That i get my goals to action. Yesturday i went to see what bus line runs by the Hall from my new house and what time it starts. i really want to get back. although i wish i could still go to my grand parents hall or to my mom's hall. but since the move i live to far away from my grandma's hall to go there and especially without a vehicle right now. and i dont want to go to gardenville because i want to start somewhere fresh. where nobody really knows me or my past. people wont let me live it down there. i get so mad when i think about it. i have NEVER been able to just BE normal there at that congreation. so i know that since all this crap with darnell had happened i REALLY wont be able to be. mm mmm mmm.
do u know a few months back. someone ( i dont know who) typed my name in a search engine to look up info on me i guess. and a profile from a another social website that i dont go to much poped up. and it had some things in there or whatever. but they went back and told my parents what hey found!!. i'm like "DAMN IT!!! i'm already disfellowshipped. i ALREADY dont have a relationship with my parents! what more could you want?? how much LOWER do you want me to be. why are you putting my name into search engines?? FOR WHAT?? mmm but i get so angry with myself for doing the things i did and getting disfellowshipped in the first place. i feel likei proved all those people right. it sucks.
i just wish that i could get back into the swing of things and start going on the regular. and build that desire to go on the regular. mmmmm my mom was telling me yesturday how much it hurts her to not be able to go to lunch with me. and how bad it hurts that i am disfellowshipped. *sighs* it hurts and i'm ready to come back. no matter what. i know i had started going over the summer, but i stopped. this year i want to start and not stop at all til i am reinstated.
Today is also the day that i open my saving account and put a few dollars in there. i am saving for:
-a rainy day
-my wedding
-trips i may want to take
i know it will be hard because i have to walk to the bank.which is up the street from my job. but, oh well
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