much writting lastly on this blog. for most shit talk i do that on twitter. but sometimes theres just something theraputic about CONTINUAL writting space that doesnt stop at 140 characters.
thers so much on my plate now a days. not even so much on my MIND...just a lot IN MY LIFE. like im getting married in two weeks, spirituality ect.
i think about my mom. and the relationship we used to have. i think about her, and i cry and pray. i want to hold her so badly, tell her how mch i love her, be FRIENDS with her. i miss her so much. i wish so badly we could go to lunch and talk and be close. i think about how i would feel if she were on her death bed. i would feel guilty for being selfish. for not being a JW like she wants me to be so we can be a family. i often think that i should just bight the bullet and do what they want just so i can be close to them...but thats no way to live. (by them i mean BOTH my mom and dad). i think about how my mom must feel. so sad, feeling like she CANT have me as her daughter. she must feel like i am so selfish to not want to be with her. so selfish to not want to do ANYTHING AT ALL to have her. i would be so hurt if i were in her shoes and poots was in mine.
i always stop writting when things get tough and i dont wanna deal...but i have to remind myself of WHY i started this blog, not ONLY for the therapy of writting but to help other women in similar situations, and to leave SOMETHING behind when i do pass. i cant be AFRIAD to tell my story.