Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Thinking of Derrioun Albert

As i was uploading these videos and pics of my child tears came to my eyes because i thought of someone who lost thier child. The mother of DERRIOUS ALBERT. Its sooo sad and hurtful. The other morning on my way to school a morning show was talking about him and they mentioned how he was a straight A student and a church going boy and generally a good kid. and i couldnt contain it anymore i just broke down. how could i NOT? all i could do was think about his mother. to loose a child to such a sensless, careless, CRUEL act is unbearable.i pray for her. i pray soo hard for her! i dont know what i would do if some deamon child hurt yet alone KILLED my child because she didnt want to join a gang.or whatever it was he was doing. i heard it was his refusal to fight in some gang violence. i HATE GANGS! i hate them i hate them i hate them! i hate everything about them! i hate the codes they live by. to kill someone because they refuse to be with you!!CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?? PLEASE! if gangbangin is a life YOU CHOOSE to live, THATS A FINE CHOICE FOR YOU.but to FORCFULLY MAKE someone join?? WHAT?? wouldnt thier allegence to the gang be tighter and better if the person WANTED to join. but instead they join cause they dont wanna die.thats not a heartfelt member. ok and if they dont want to join JUST LET THEM WALK! what harm is it to the organization? if my child were to be killed or die because of something this STUPID i couldnt live any longer.and i would take some heads with me.them mutha fuckas would go DOWN. the anger that wells up inside of me with just the thought is too much to describe. NO PARENT SHOULD HAVE TO FEEL THAT STING!
And imma say this cliche' statment:there has got to be a better way. i feel like there is something in the heart of our communities that fester gang growth. but what?? i know many young people join gangs to fel hey belong to a family. to feel that mother, father, sister, brother UNIT.but sooo many families these days are broken. is this the cause of gang growth. children growing up without that FULL family feelin so they reach for it in other places mainly gangs?? so to stop this gang growth, we need to keep our families together! we need to GET our families together. MARRIAGE is OK people! there is NOTHING wrong with it, nothing to be afraid of. if u making love to this person, cookin, cleaning for this person and yall been together for 2826837629182 years there is NO REASON y u SHOULD not be married. NOT FOR THE KIDS but for YOU and the community. to set a example of family unity, loyalty, and endurance.
Its so sad because i love people. i want to see them grow and prosper and whatever way i can aid in that i am glad to assist. but with the birth of my child i have soooo much of ugly side of the world in a different light. i got robbed a few years back. i didnt want to leave my house, and when i did eventually EVERY young black man, i was afraid of. and its sad really.i HATE stereotypes just as much as the next person, but you dont know WHO. and because the VAST MAJORITY of these young guys out here these days are crazy, or gang bangin or whatever, imma group them all in one bunch and be afraid of them all. its soo sad cause i dont want to be. i want it to be better. but people these days dont care about you, and im scared of them. i should be able to walk down my street as a young black women and feel that other young black men are going to look out for me. or at the VERY LEAST NOT HURT ME. but no.instead i fear the people i should call my BROTHER.

sweet pucker lips


all the better for kisses!

POOTS WATCHING YOUR BABY CAN READ

Poots Watching YOUR BABY CAN READ

SHE LOOOVES these cd's lmaoooo they REALLY work. shes so AWESOME

Poots DAncing: to the YOUR BABY CAN READ theme song. loooool

"CHEEEEE CHEEEE!!"

lmaoooo @ her eyes.she loooves taking pictures and now that my phone has a flash on it, all she know to do when she see it is yell "cheeeese cheeeeese!" but in her case "cheeee!"but whats up with the streched eyes. she look like someone said "BOO!"


POOTS PICS:She at the beach

LMAOOO!! shes sooo BEAUTIFUL! i swear my heart skips a beat everytime i see a picture of her or when i m in her presence. shes so inspiring. this was a funny day at the beach. her first trip there. SHE HATED IT! hated EVERYTHING about it.the water,the sand, the grass. she stood in one spot and didnt want to move cause she didnt like the feeling of the grass or the sand on her feet. lmaoooo. but i want her to like the beach because i want to take her places and we get in the water.and water is the best part of any family vacation. ANYWAYS WE STILL HAD A BLASSSST!



Tuesday, September 29, 2009

N.E.R.D: Sooner or Later

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Common:Universal Mind Control

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Kid Cudi : Make Her Say

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Keri Hilson: Turnin Me On

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Lady Gaga: Love Game

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Paparazii:Lady Gaga

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Jai Ho!!

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Rihanna: Please Dont Stop The Music

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Rihanna:Rehab

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Justin Timberlake : What Goes Around

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Beyonce: Ego

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Monday, September 28, 2009

is there a limit to revolution (pt2)

i copy pated bits and pieces of a convo i had with one of my best friends. and she is a beautiful women and mother. she fights for her cause and belives in it whole hertedly. i love that about my friends. the majority of them are VERY pro black and fight for the revolution and betterment of black people. but where do i fall into all of this. there is one of me that feels i TOTALLY agree with her and agree with the fact that black people do need to have a change and that change starts with us, but there is another of me that feels i am a mother and that change starts with THEM. lol. am i wrong for not wanting to get "too dirty" in our fight. is MY fight less intense because i choose to battle from the homefront? and start with my seed? i personally feel my fight is just as intense because i am rearing a young women, i am molding her thinking into that of a revolutionary. so that while she is young and childless she is BRAVE and fights for her people. and stands up againstblack violence, against assimination and ect...UNTIL she has a child of her own. i feel at that point....THATS when a different type of fight has to begin. hmmm..idk, im a bit confussed. because at the same time i feel like people are so mean and turn coat and u do all this shit for them and they turn thier backs on u. but then there are the FEW people that what u did matters to. and i guess thats all that really matters. what do u think?

is there a LIMIT to revolution?

soul_frodisiac: hey boo
amethystine225: hey boo
soul_frodisiac: hey honey lumps
amethystine225: lol
soul_frodisiac: how is u?
soul_frodisiac: how was ur day?
amethystine225: eh i slept most of it
amethystine225: me n mina slept
soul_frodisiac: oh coool
amethystine225: o u do
amethystine225: thanks
amethystine225: girl ive been so angry
amethystine225: this boy got killed in a gang fight
soul_frodisiac: wat was ya hair doin?
soul_frodisiac: right
soul_frodisiac: i heard about that
amethystine225: he was a honor roll student
amethystine225: yeaaa
amethystine225: that shit pissed me off
amethystine225: damn black people...
amethystine225: iunno
amethystine225: i cant take it
soul_frodisiac: dont be angry
soul_frodisiac: i was too
amethystine225: its just a distraction
soul_frodisiac: awwwwwwwwwwww
amethystine225: theres a serious problem hair
amethystine225: here*
amethystine225: with our black youth
soul_frodisiac: yea
soul_frodisiac: i mean
soul_frodisiac: so what ru doin?
soul_frodisiac: bout it now?
soul_frodisiac: im just sayin
amethystine225: iunno what to do.. what i can do
amethystine225: i wanna reach out
amethystine225: i think thats the problem with us tho
amethystine225: we get defeated too fast
amethystine225: we dont care until the shit hits home
soul_frodisiac: i do care
soul_frodisiac: but its like midnight
soul_frodisiac:
soul_frodisiac: i cant do nothing NOW if i tried
soul_frodisiac: if something came my way
soul_frodisiac: and we could do something i would
soul_frodisiac: but my ass is at work and urs is home
soul_frodisiac: i am not gonna sit here this late at night and FORCE myself to mill on sad shit
soul_frodisiac: sorry
amethystine225: but we can also spend time planning
amethystine225: to make a next move
amethystine225: if we cant do anything
amethystine225: im just tired of our black kids goin thru shit like this
amethystine225: and no one cares
amethystine225: well people care
amethystine225: and they implement programs
amethystine225: but sigh
amethystine225: eh fuck it
amethystine225: i need to lay down
amethystine225: my heart cant take this
soul_frodisiac: right
soul_frodisiac: thats what im saying
amethystine225: what im sayin is how many people feel the same way
soul_frodisiac: amethystine225: but we can also
spend time planning
amethystine225: to make a next move
amethystine225: eh i cant do anything now..
soul_frodisiac: i understand this
soul_frodisiac: and i understand u sad
soul_frodisiac: but wait and be mad in the am
i say calm down til the am
soul_frodisiac: im not
soul_frodisiac: saying
amethystine225: revolution is 24/7
soul_frodisiac: ignor the shit all together
soul_frodisiac: but im sayin
soul_frodisiac: dont let it consume u
amethystine225: ki im not lettin it consume me
amethystine225: im just tried of bullshittin
soul_frodisiac: cause if u all stressed out n shit what good r u to anyone
soul_frodisiac: u cant accomplish
soul_frodisiac: anything in that state of mind
soul_frodisiac: lmaooo y u say my name like that?
amethystine225: cause im angry
amethystine225: i used to be so hard core
amethystine225: with my black power shit
amesoul_frodisiac: uhuh
soul_frodisiac: so what do u plan on doin?
amethystine225: i let my fire die
amethystine225: iunno i gotta head my head right.. go back in to school
amethystine225: contact my old teachers
amethystine225: my old teacher is teaching a class
amethystine225: n hes welcoming alumni to come
amethystine225: anyone from the neighborhood
soul_frodisiac: uhuh
soul_frodisiac: wat u gonna do?
soul_frodisiac: u gonna go?
soul_frodisiac: i guess
soul_frodisiac: i just have no fight in my system
soul_frodisiac: i would be a lot more
soul_frodisiac: if i werent a mother
amethystine225: yea
soul_frodisiac: and in school n workin
amethystine225: my teacher says that
amethystine225: revolution is for the young
soul_frodisiac: i fight hard enough trynna keep my damn house clean

amethystine225: because they have nothing to lose
soul_frodisiac: right
amethystine225: once u have kids u become afraid
soul_frodisiac: exactly
soul_frodisiac: i cant be goin to jail n shit
soul_frodisiac: i have to be there for my daughter
soul_frodisiac: my revolution is with her
amethystine225: right
soul_frodisiac: i am fighting the fight
soul_frodisiac: WITH HER
soul_frodisiac: i aint got time
soul_frodisiac: to be all bent outta shape
soul_frodisiac: everytime i hear some sad shit thats y i hardly watch the news
soul_frodisiac: because it makes me sad
think about how that boys mother must feel
soul_frodisiac: and i become over whelmed
amethystine225: yea i used to get EXTREMELY paranoid
amethystine225: and sad over the news
amethystine225: i cant watch too much
soul_frodisiac: well then in my overwelmed state of mind im no good to MY little person
and NOONE, or NOTHING comes befor her
soul_frodisiac: you can fight sam
soul_frodisiac: and ur not being complacent
soul_frodisiac: u just have to take a different stand
soul_frodisiac: from a diferent angle
amethystine225: believe me ima be all up in mina school
amethystine225: lmaooooo
soul_frodisiac: i mean
soul_frodisiac: hell yea
soul_frodisiac: i cant do that marchin n stuff
soul_frodisiac: but i can and will teach my daughetr
soul_frodisiac: *daughter
soul_frodisiac: about
soul_frodisiac: idk
amethystine225: its just so crazy cause ive been to protests
amethystine225: with women holding their babies
soul_frodisiac: loving the human race,
ESPECIALLY hers
amethystine225: and malcolm x died and he had kids
amethystine225: che guevara had kids as well
soul_frodisiac: about being a REAL WOMEN and that includes havin beautiful natural haitr
soul_frodisiac: well
soul_frodisiac: they were bulit differently ten i am
soul_frodisiac: cause i cant do NOTHING thats gonna take me away from my daughter
soul_frodisiac: or my FIRST obligation which is to her
amethystine225: but my thing is..
amethystine225: everthing affects everything
soul_frodisiac: and people r so fuckin turn coat
amethystine225: i would rather fight to clean up my neighborhood
amethystine225: for my daughter
soul_frodisiac: you die for them and do all this shit and they turn on u
amethystine225: cause i dont want her to walk passed the crackheads
soul_frodisiac: right
amethystine225: thats what happens to a revolutionary tho
soul_frodisiac: but how can u do that if u in jail
aint fightin shit in locked up lookin one way
amethystine225: the leader can die but the revolution can always move on
amethystine225: esp. if you have an orginization where everyone is a leader
amethystine225: and not just following one man
soul_frodisiac: ok and if that leader has kids?
soul_frodisiac: im sorry sam
soul_frodisiac: i just
soul_frodisiac: cant see it
amethystine225: we can agree to disagree
amethystine225: che guevaras kids understand
amethystine225: why their dad died
soul_frodisiac: i cant see putting PEOPLE ahead of MY CHILD
soul_frodisiac: ok
amethystine225: his daughter is a activist herself
soul_frodisiac: we'll just have to fight from different angles
soul_frodisiac: i ant that gung hoe
soul_frodisiac: i admire u though
amethystine225: right
soul_frodisiac: and everyone like u
soul_frodisiac: hmmm
soul_frodisiac: but id go to marched
soul_frodisiac: *marches
soul_frodisiac: no
soul_frodisiac: cause if motha fuckas get to shootin
soul_frodisiac: id have to turn into the incredible hulktress
soul_frodisiac: and turn this mutha out
soul_frodisiac: for me theres a limit

Monday, September 14, 2009

We're Getting Married On The 20th

ok ok ok for real for real this time. no more jokin around. lmaooo..but in reality yall..its ME. i get cold feet. he is always READY when ever i set a date then i chicken out. cause when things are great i am ALL FOR IT, and i think "i am going to spend my life with him." then he gets on my nerves some kindda way i think "i am going to spend my life with him??" and i realize that not only do i have to spend my life with the good, but the bad too. and i know this will ALWAYS be the case with ANYONE, but it trips me up at time, and makes me fearful. ill pray through it.

I Need To Take Better Care Of Myself

i am sooo happy to be in school. and i really feel as though i am accomplishing my goals. i love school. i study and read my chapter, do my homework. last week however i took a math test and FAILED it TWICE. i was sooo super discouraged, only because i practiced and practiced and practiec my ASS off. until i was doing COMPLETE practice sheet and MAYBE getting one wrong. so to take a test a FAIL, was like a slap in the face to me. i went in the bathroom and cried so hard.im PMS'ing and i just COULD NOT control it. it took EVERYTHING in me not to leave for that day. i didnt. and ended up feeling so much better. i mean on th plus side, the math class is a self paced math class so i have as long as i need to to pass. but my goal was to finnish it in like half the semester so i could move on. but now i feel as though i need to take better physical care of myself. drinking more water, eatting more veggies ect. i dont poo often. (TMI? sorry) but it worries me. i need to be here as long as possible for poots. and i sure as hell aint gettin younger. there are other things too but...they are kind of personal. i havent done ANYTHING spiritual. i start off sooo strong and then when i fall off i REALLY fall off. its frustrating really. as a result my mom is treating me worse then ever. she doesnt great me, of say goodbye, theres no small talk no NOTHING. i havnt really felt inspired to write. when i have one thing right 10 things go wrong.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

School Starts Today

For me...im a bit nervous and anxious and excited all at the same time. lol. i am just anxious to start it CONTINUE it and get it OVER with. without failing ANY classes or no bullshit like that.its been my goal for soo long to go back to school and FINNISH. i actually feel like i am not standing still in my life. i feel like i am accomplishing something and going somewhere. FINALLY! its been long over due.ill be 26 by the time i finnish and poots would be starting school soon. so that gives me time. lol. only thing i dont like is that SOON as school starts it gets COLD out. i HATE cold weather. thats the only thing that stops me and slows me down from wanting to do stuff. lol. but never mind that cause i am DETERMINED to start and finnish.