Monday, April 29, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Lately i have been having so much fun doing STUFF!! Creative things that I had gotten away from. Like exercising, watching good youtube videos, crocheting more, painting,writing poetry, reading, and gardening and taking care of my plants. AHHHHH!!! There is nothing like living life and finding your happy place. i love it. I have a consistent cleaning rutine that helps me keep the house pretty well cleaned on a regular basis. What I can say that I would like to improve on , however is reading to the kids more. Thats something i really want to do but it's hard to make time for it. Next i would like to focus on learning to play my guitar. it just sits there. lol
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
AGAIN, DIsclamer: The thoughts and videos expressed in this video are not that of my own. I watched it to see what this man was speaking on...but AGAIN...there are some things he says that i agree with , but mostly i think he is crazy. and has twisted a agood system of spirituality into something ignorant like A LOT of mainstream religious folks do.
DISCLAMER: the thoughts and feelings expressed in this video are that of my own. I watched the vbideo to see what he was talking about. I understand him...but i think he's crazy. lol
I have reached “Natural hair Nirvana”! That place of ultimate peace, and love of MY hair in all it’s natural glory. I can FINALLY say that after almost ten years of fighting it out with my hair I LOVE it. I went natural in 2004 but over the years I never really loved my hair, I cant even say I liked it. I simply stuck with it because something innately spiritual wouldn’t allow me to feel comfortable with anything else. As a matter of a fact I DID perm my hair in 2008 and it lasted for 2 weeks. I shaved it all off because it just didn’t feel right in my spirit. I didn’t like my natural hair. I didn’t like it’s shape, texture, or length, so I would chop it off and rock the bald looks and lie to myself and others by saying “I just don’t have an emotional attachment to hair. HAIR is just not that big a deal to me.” But REALLY it was. It was so big of a deal that I wouldn’t allow it to grow and showcase it’s texture, shape, and/or length. In REALITY, continuously chopping my hair off was my shield to not REALLY accepting who I am. MY 4B/4C texture, and still feeling beautiful. But in 2011 I had it out with my hair. And I said “LOOK! I’VE GOTTA LIVE WITH YOU AND YOU’VE GOTTA LIVE WITH ME FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFE WHY CANT YOU JUST LOOK CUTE LIKE CURLY NIKKI OR TAREN OR NATURAL SUNSHINE ?” And my hair said back (at least this is how it went in my crazy head) “BECAUSE KESHAI! I AM NOT TAREN, OR NIKKI OR WHOMEVER ELSE YOU WANT ME TO BE! I AM YOU! WHY CAN YOU JUST LOVE ME? WHY CANT YOU JUST LOVE YOU?” “WHAT? I DO LOVE ME. DON’T TELL ME ABOUT SELF LOVE I AM MY BIGGEST FAN! I AM QUEEN SELF LOVE!” “No you arent. You don’t love yourself and in turn you don’t love me. Stop hurting me, stop cutting, dying, and covering me. Accept me and accept yourself.” So I sat back and really evaluated how I felt about myself. I was in the throws of the deepest, longest depression, I’ve ever experienced. A new mom, and a new wife and I had lost myself. I had stopped loving and liking myself. I had abandoned every self nurturing, self loving thing I had grown up doing. Instead I turned to smoking, drinking, and medication to numb the pain and the hate. After that conversation with myself/ God/my hair I declared an all out war on my depression. I promised my hair not to cut it for AT LEAST two years to give it chance to grow and show me what it could do. I began praying, meditating, going to church, weekly therapy, studying the law of attraction and watching every YOUTUBE video I could find. OH! YOUTUBE, the holy ground of natural hair care. I found so much information on products, methods, style, and support . I try to walk everyday in love, and gratitude. I don’t just walk in it, I bathe in it, I consume it, and I am it. And as a result I can openly declare that i have reached my natural hair nirvana
Sunday, April 14, 2013
wait...why did I tear up?? lol
BOOK: For Colored Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Still is not Enough : Coming of Age, Coming Out, and Coming Home,
OMG!!! This book was PHENOMENAL!!! Its the stories of different gay men of color, from black, asian, and latino backgrounds. I love reading about and learning about the lives of people. Especially those who have triumphed despite the odds. It kindda makes me feel some kindda way inside...no, i wont get into that. But it is a deffinate MUST READ, for ANYONE.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
I am loving my hair lately!!! OMG!! I am loving that i have FINALLY found a routine that works for ME. I'm so happy that I challenged myslef to let it grow for a least two years before cuting it. I WONT be cutting it any time soon. I do have some trouble spots on my sides (edges) and backs (the nape area) that need a lot of help this spring and summer. But over alli am loving how easy it is! I do it ONCE A WEEK, and during the week i just finger pluck it on my way to work to get its shape back. HA! I would have never though that it would be going this well for me. lool. I have also been working out. This extra 20 pound from having the baby JUST WONT BUDGE! and i'm not helping it with the amount of junk i eat. Which really sucks because i ALSO eat a lot of good stuff, but i void it out with the cookies, cakes, and pies. *palm to forhead*. My progress, however with working out has been PHENOMENAL! I am sooo proud of myself. My ultimate goal is to run in the Baltimore 1/2 Marathon in October which is 13 miles. I have been training pretty intensely for that. When i began 3 weeks ago i could run 1 mile in 20 mintues. My goal is to run 1 mile in 10 minutes. So far i have gotten it down to 1 mile in 14:30 sec this week!!! My running goals are : 1 mile in 10 minutes to 2 miles in 20 mintues to 3 miles in 30 mintues (w/o stopping) jogging the 3 miles to work to 3 miles back and forth to work daily. On the pavement because trainging on the treadmill is not NEARLY as tasking as training on the outside pavement. Dont ask me why but its just WAY DIFFERENT and WAY HARDER! Once i get to the 6 miles back and forth to work daily i will begin to build up miles toward being able to complete the half marathon. i will be updating weekly or so. I think of where i was a year or so ago and have to say that i honestly believe i was sooo depressed because i had stopped setting goals for myself. i had stopped living life for myself. I had given up on or lost, somehow, MY LIFE! Stopped doing the things i like, like exercising, planting flowers, partying, and seekingout friendships. I had become sooo consumed with the bleakness (which actually turned out to not be so bleak) of my marriage that i forgot to create other means of happiness. I FORGOT TO ENJOY MY DAUGHTER!!I FORGOT TO BE GREATFUL!! And spiritually i was( and still am) a MESS but I really feel i am on the right path now. So thank you GOD for all that you have given me and all that you have shown me. Ase'
Words cannot describe how happy i am to have read this book!!! It put order to what i was feeling/ thinking spiritually.Gave me a blueprint of what to do spiritually. Not only that but it answered many questions i have been asking myself for months now. It calmed my confusion on matters like God blessing us, and answering our prayers.I love how she understands the plight of a lot of black women spiritually in feeling "i am a black women and feel a STRONG PULL toward African spirituality but i also have been raised and taught to believe in Christ.Is it possible that the two go hand in hand and if so HOW?" One of the main points i was able to take away from Tapping The Power Within is the importance of ritual. Having a little order and consistency in your days and ur spiritual life. I wrote out my ritual in my journal: MORNING RITUAL: exercise spiritual bath with epsom salts essential oils and incense. Anointing and blessing myself during these spiritual baths. Just relaxing and releasing EVENING RITUAL: -observing my evening tidy up -cooking -bathing the kids and making sure she gets her spiritual bath -pouring libations w/poots -blessing/anointing/praying with Poots -watching productive television ( like a spiritual dvd , or something funny like Ellen to raise the Vibrations) NIGHT TIME RITUAL (i am at work) -journaling -prayer/affirmations -mediation -spiritual/educational video -reading as much as possible In my spiritual journey I have been looking for more opportunities lately to be of service and to give more of myself and my resources. One of the ways i am going to do this is by spending a lot of my tax refund money on others. Sewing it (money) into the lives of people who need it, taking care of my responsibilities (the car, the insurance, and devin's library fees) and i also want to purchase as many copies of this book as I can and give it away to a few friends. This book was a eye opener and a life changer for me.