My Life With My Baby Girl!!: January 2019

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

AUDIO BOOK: The Little Money Bible: The Ten Laws of Abundance

BOOK: The Mother Of Black Hollywood

I havnt written a god book review in a long while. I read this and finished it and it was by far one of the best memoirs I've ever read. Just because it was HER and I love Jennifer Lewis. I've always enjoyed the roles she plays on television and in movies. Usually she's casts as a aunty, or a mother. In reading her book , I see why. I felt so cared for while reading her memoir. As I read The Mother of Black Hollywood, I truly felt as if I were a girl having a deep and meaningful conversation with her mother. Something I have needed for a long time. The biggest reason I was attracted to The Mother Of Black Hollywood is because she tells the story of her being Bi-Polar. Mental health is something I can relate to on a deeplyspiritual level. I've had my personal battles with it. Unfortunately I've never been able to talk to my mother about it. I'm angry about that. I'm starved for my mother's attention. For HER love again. In Jennifer Lewis' memoir she also talks about the relationship she had with her mother. Strained and abusive as it was....Jennifer still loved her mother and still ached for her mother's love and approval. The way she goes about healing herself and loving herself is a journey worth telling, and one I enjoyed reading.

Stress Management

This week has not been a good one for me. I thought that I was putting a different type of energy, apparently I was wrong. Mentally I'm in a terrible space and I'm having such a hard time getting out of it. I havnt felt this bad about myself or my circumstances in a long time. It's like none of the things I want in life are possible for me. The things I want to go to school for Good Samaritan wont pay for so I have to pay myself or do some shit I don't like. I don't have money to pay for school myself. But I feel stuck and I don't want I'm doing that's causing me to keep attracting these bad situations. What? Do I have to be a JW in order for life to be ok? In order to be happy? I also miss my mom so much. I miss having a support system, a REAL ONE.
How can I make this better? How can I think positively to turn it around? I want to FEEL better. Increase my skills in something to increase my money. When I get home I"m going to go for a run. Writing helps me destress too but it can also get me in my thoughts and feelings more. Because I'm thinking about it. But I'm running wen I get home, and doing yoga. 'm going to call Popeyes.
Although things are hurting now. I keep reminding myself that things could be WORSE. Everything that's wrong now, may be stressful and on my mind, but it's FIXABLE. It's fixable. It's fixable.