Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I wish i could live on a island: and this is ALL i need

i will be writting down my essentials in each catagory. i can only have 3-4 (no more then 4) items. there are days i sit and daydream for sooo long about life on my island. and the only perso i would need is my poots.these are the things i would have if i COULD ONLY have these things FOREVER

1.Hair Care:
-shea butter
-coconut oil
-Jason's natural gel


-collard greens (made how my mommy make them)
-spahgetti (ahhhhhhh thats slick cause theres a lot of things in spahgetti)

-a long, thick, hooded shaw (if it gets chilly at night. my island would never do more then just get a little chilly at night. just enough for me to have my big bear blanket and my shaw at night. my island would always have nice wheather. never them tropical storms n shit. maybe just a little rain every so often)
-flip flops

-water proof two section tent. (not able to be blown away)
-a good knife that never goes dull

6. In My Tent I Need:
- a blow up matress (i like those things)
-small portable light
-a single eye stove ( u know the cute little one)
-my big bear blanket

-my internet accessable laptop (lmaooo)
-my infinate playlist i pod
-infinate amount of books and reading material(so i can teach and educate poots)
-1 peice of exercise equipment. ( preff. a treadmil)

8.Important Needs
-clean drinking water
-something to make fire with for forever

9.The ONE Person To Share My Island With:
- AKIRA (aka POOTS) my daughter

10. Things I Would Need For Her
- reusable diapers
-warm shaw

i would primarily make her clothse for her as she grows. but in the beginning for the most part she'd just wear her diaper. lmaooooo. and YES I AM BORED! hence this rediculous blog. but u dont know how much stress i have relieved simply from day dreaming about this island. with noone eles on it. but me and my poots. i would be so happy. we would just read/ learn, and play alllll day. her and i. doing one another's hair, playing in the water, letting the sun toast our skin. oh yea...and my island is in fiji or hawaii. depends on where i feel like going that day. lmaoooo. she's only person i could see doing anything like this with.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of the attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, a strong emotional bond with parents during childhood, also known as a secure attachment, is a precursor of secure, empathic relationships in adulthood. Failure to form this early childhood parental bond will ostensibly give rise to reactive attachment disorder.

Many proponents of attachment parenting as conceived by Sears seek to distance themselves from the attachment parenting that is sometimes used as an adjunct to attachment therapy[2].

Contents [hide]
1 History
2 Eight principles of attachment parenting
3 Childcare
4 Examples to help parents and caregivers create healthy attachments with infants
5 Discipline
6 Criticisms
7 See also
8 References
8.1 Footnotes
9 External links

[edit] History
Attachment theory, originally proposed by John Bowlby, states that the infant has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feel secure when that person is present. Bowlby had earlier proposed in his maternal deprivation hypothesis published in 1951 that maternal deprivation would not only cause depression in children, but also acute conflict and hostility, decreasing their ability to form healthy relationships in adult life.[3][4]

In comparison, Sigmund Freud proposed that attachment was a consequence of the need to satisfy various drives. In attachment theory, attachment is considered a biological system and children are naturally attached to their parents because they are social beings, not just because they need other people to satisfy drives.

Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth devised a procedure, called The Strange Situation, to observe attachment relationships between a human caregiver and child. She observed disruptions to the parent/child attachment over a 20 minute period, and noted that this affected the child's exploration and behavior toward the mother. This operationalization of attachment has recently come under question, as it may not be a valid measure for infants that do not experience distress upon initial encounter with a stranger.[5]

According to Attachment Parenting International (API) there are 8 principles that foster healthy (secure) attachment between the caretaker and infant. While none of these principles are derived directly from original attachment research, they are presented as parenting practices that can lead to "attunement", "consistent and sensitve responsiveness" and "physical and emotional availability" that research has found to be key factors in secure attachment.

[edit] Eight principles of attachment parenting
Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Engage in Nighttime Parenting
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, the anti-vaccination movement, natural health, cooperative movements, and support of organic food.

However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments.

[edit] Childcare
Attachment parenting proponents value secure attachment between children and a primary caregiver, preferably a parent or guardian. Secure primary or secondary attachments may also be formed with other caregiving adults and should be supported by the parents.

Even when engaging non-parental caregivers, Attachment Parents strive to maintain healthy, secure attachments with their children. AP-friendly childcare is a continuation of the nurturing care given by the parents and focuses on meeting the child's needs. Attachment Parents typically work to make caregiving arrangements that are sensitive to the child while balancing their own needs as well.

[edit] Examples to help parents and caregivers create healthy attachments with infants
According to the psychoanalyst, Erick Erickson, there are eight stages of social-emotional development across a lifespan. Each stage has a conflict, which needs to be worked through and a functional balance should be achieved in order to have a healthy development. The first stage of psychosocial development is trust vs. mistrust, which occurs during infancy.

According to Gonzales-Mena and Eyer,[6] an infant establishes trust through a process of establishing a secure attachment with a parent or caregiver. In order for an infant to develop trusting relationships, the infant must receive consistent and attentive and appropriate care from the same parent or caregiver. The infant will develop a healthy, secure, and satisfying attachment when he or she is receiving consistent and attentive and appropriate care from the same parent or caregiver. A caregiver or parent must satisfy all of the infant's physical, emotional, psychological, cognitive, and social needs.[7]

According to Ronald (1990) a caregiver or parent's job is defined as the following: helping a child feel accepted, assisting children in learning to communicate and get along with others, and encouraging feelings of empathy and respect amongst children and adults.

According to Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson (1998), in order for caregivers or parents to teach infants how to respect themselves and others, it is important for caregivers and parents to respect the infants the same way they would respect an adult or older child. Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson (1998) believed infants need to receive respect from their caregivers in order to develop trust and attachment. Attachment and trust are built through interaction. The interaction between the adult and infant should be respectful, reciprocal, and responsive. The caregiver or parent should interact with the child physically and emotionally. When a caregiver or parent is performing daily routines with the infant, the parent or caregiver should interact with the infant and spend quality time with the infant. Caregivers and parents should treat the infant like a competent human being by communicating with the infant, following the infant's lead and responding to the infant's gestures or reactions. The caregiver or parent should include the infant in the diapering, grooming and feeding routines. For instance, when a parent is changing an infant's diaper, the parent should talk to the infant. The parent should explain to the infant what he or she is doing. When a parent is dressing an infant, the parent can explain to the infant what he or she is doing. Caregivers or parents should not rush the infant when they are performing these routines.[8]

In order for infants to establish trust and develop an attachment with a caregiver or parent, the infants should be trusted by caregivers and parents. According to Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson(1998), infants establish trust with a parent or caregiver when the parent and caregiver gives them the freedom to actively explore their environment with limited restrictions and boundaries. According to Eric Erickson, an infant who develops a healthy balance of trust vs. mistrust, will have an easier time developing an autonomy, which is the next stage of socio-emotional development. According to Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson (1998), it is important for caregivers and parents to use every opportunity as a learning opportunity for infants. Daily routines are windows of opportunities for parents and caregivers to help infants and caregivers establish trust and build attachment with infants.

[edit] Discipline
Attachment parents seek to understand the biological and psychological needs of the children, and to avoid unrealistic expectations of child behavior. In setting boundaries and limits that are appropriate to the age of the child, attachment parenting takes into account the physical and psychological stage of development that the child is currently experiencing. In this way, parents may seek to avoid the frustration that occurs when they expect things beyond their child's capability. According to Arnall, (2007) discipline means to teach the child by gentle guidance, such as re-direction, natural consequences, listening and modelling, and not by punitive means such as spanking, time-out, grounding and punitive consequences.

Attachment parenting holds that it is of vital importance to the survival of the child that he be capable of communicating his needs to the adults and having those needs promptly met. Dr. Sears advises that, while still an infant, the child is mentally incapable of outright manipulation. Unmet needs are believed, by Dr. Sears and other AP proponents, to surface beginning immediately in attempts to fulfill that which was left unmet. AP looks at child development as well as infant and child biology to determine the psychologically and biologically appropriate response at different stages. Attachment parenting does not mean meeting a need that a child can fulfill himself. It means understanding what the needs are, when they arise, how they change over time and circumstances, and being flexible in devising ways to respond appropriately. Also their job is to come up with ideas of things to do for their children.

Similar practices are called natural parenting, instinctive parenting, intuitive parenting, immersion parenting or "continuum concept" parenting.

[edit] Criticisms
One criticism of attachment parenting is that it can be very strenuous and demanding on parents. Without a support network of helpful friends or family, the work of parenting can be difficult. Writer Judith Warner contends that a “culture of total motherhood”, which she blames in part on attachment parenting, has led to an “age of anxiety” for mothers in modern American society.[9] Sociologist Sharon Hays argues that the "ideology of intensive mothering" imposes unrealistic obligations and perpetuates a "double shift" life for working women.[10]

Another criticism is that there is no conclusive or convincing body of research, aside from testimonials from participating parents, that shows this labor-intensive approach to be in any way superior to what attachment parents term "mainstream parenting" in the long run.[11]

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently amended its policy statement regarding SIDS prevention, and has come out against sharing a bed with small babies (though it does encourage room-sharing).[12] The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission also warns against co-sleeping. [13] Attachment Parenting International issued a response which alleged the data referenced in the Consumer Product Safety Commission statement was unreliable, and that co-sponsors of the campaign had created a conflict of interest.[14]

Both the attachment parenting methodology based on Sears, and the related methodology based on attachment therapy are said to propagate a pseudoscientific definition of reactive attachment disorder. Attachment Parenting International (API) utilizes an attachment therapy resource (Peachtree Attachment Resources)[15] to define RAD, which claims the criteria is "based on the DSM-IV." This claim is false.

1.natural childbirth: aughhhh! i am so dissapointed in myself that i did not persue this more during my pregnancy with poots. i had a few conplications and i was thinking that i would not be able to do this. i have two very close friends of mine that have done natural births in birthing centers. it's so beautiful. i want to become a midwife.i so desprately want to do this for my second child. but i wonder if it's possible since i have already had a c-section. at the same time there is something inside of me that is greatful that i was in a hospital and hooked up to machines because it was visable that poots' heart rate was dropping and needed to be taken. i often wonder how that type of stuff is detected in a natural home birth.

2.home birth: idk about this. i guess i would just wonder about how sanitary everything is. and when i think of birthing centers and hospitals i automatically think "extra clean"

3.stay-at-home parenting: i am working hard at this. i want to be a stay at home mom by the time poots is at least in the first grade.

4.co-sleeping: YAY!! my poots stays with me every night and day. i remember sleeping my mom as a child. of course devin hates it. but he doesnt say anything to me. i'm glad about that. aughhhh! but i do know that he hinks she wont go to her own bed when she's older and that she will only want me. he says things like "i cant wait to put her in her own bed!" every so often. but not a lot.

5.breastfeeding: YAY!! i will breastfeed for as long as i want to! i dont feel that enough young, african american mom's breastfeed now a days. which really sucks because they are missing out on a precious bond and raising a "special" kind of child. i wonder if breastfeed humans exhibate different behaviors then no breastfed. i wonder if non breastfed people are more aggresive or something.

6.babywearing: YAY!! i love my baby sling. but i want to try the one by jelly bean. i picked it up in walmart but i dont like that are no leg holes in it. seems like she can slip out easy. i have to get a little more skilled at making my own.

7.homeschooling: YAY!! i teach my baby now. we sit and read. i sign to her, and we watch a little television in the morning. she like Clifford : The Big Red Dog. lol. Shhhhh...(i like him too) lmaooo. i hope to be done school by the time she is 4 no later then 6 so i can homeschool her academically. these schools are just getting worse and worse. i dont even want to think of what will be going on byt the time she gets there. boys will probably be raping younger and younger. girls

8.unschooling:i'm not sure what this is. i have to look up more info. i think it has a lot to do with undoing the traditional schooling and ideas

9.the anti-circumcision movement: ooooooo ouch! how can they think that this doesnt hurt!? just because they forget it eventually. Crap still hurts. thats like ripping some skin off and other body part but the pain is x's 10 because it's super sensitive.

10.the anti-vaccination movement: hmmmm again i need to do more researc. i have always gotten poots vaccinated because i was under the inpression she could become sick easier. i'll do the reaserch.

11.natural health: exercise, yoga, all that. i cant wait to become a natural health practitioner. i will be taking on line classes in the beginning of this comming year. that will be a nice outlet for me. hopefully all will go well

12.cooperative movements

13.support of organic food: i buy it. but i plan on growing my own

Monday, October 6, 2008


i want to work out more. but i dont know how or when. i know i loooove to run. but when is my problem. when do i get to the gym? if there's a will there's a way. maybe i will just have to dawn my mace and jogg when i get home in the morning or in the evening when devin returns home from work. dare someone to mess with me! i will need to get a step tracker to keep track of my distance. i bought some running shoes this weekend. maybe i will focuse the morning on cardio and running and the evenings on crunches and strength training. but i really need to take better care of myself. and i believe running helps me feel good.

THIS WEEKEND: Victoria's Secret Foolery

so i walk into Victoria's Secret this weekend. So sick and tired of having grandma bras that do noting to flatter my rediculously hott shape. lol. it's so hard for me to find the right kind of bra for my body because i'm small around with really large boobs. this caused me so hurt and trauma as a youngster. mmm...i rememebr as a newly blooming teenager standing in the middle of the department store crying because i couldnt wear the bras i wanted and saw the other girls wearing. my mom wouldnt let me wear anything nice that say me up and had a push up and padding in it because she didnt want to draw unnecessary attention to them. well now i pay for not having the proper bra as a youth because they sag. and i would rather have small saggy boobs then big saggy boobs. but i digress. these are the boobs i have been given and these are the boobs that nurish and care for my child. so i stand in victoria's secrety mezmerised by the lace and colors. the assistand measures and andi am a 34 around and about a DD cup. well, we try on DD cup and i am still spilling out of that. aint this some shit? she tells me "well, i wasnt sure at first now i know u are about a 34 DDD. WTF?! DDD?! so ok, "well can i have this bra in 34 DDD?" "we dont go past DD.i would recommend u go to this place on Riesterstown rd called We Fit and get a custom made bra. your fit will be damn near impossible to find in retail stores because your body is so small around yet u have large breast." Excuse me Victoria Secret? Are you telling me that i am denied my right to wear lacy, sexy under wear because u dont want to go up that high?! i'm suein! lmaooooo. but i will not be deterred! somewhere on this earth there is sexy underwear for big boobs with small waist. maybe i will make aline. like the apple bottoms jeans. jeans cut for women with big butts and a small waist. at any rate i had half a mind to buy that too small bra anyways and stuff my boobs in it. but i thought "nah! lemme stop. before i walk out of here lookin two kinds of ghetto and tacky." true foolywang material!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008