Monday, January 12, 2009

chop off date: 5/8/08

this is a previous post just to give a back drop of why i am starting all over again:

What was i thinking??? two weks ago i completly lost it and put a perm in
my hair. i did it for everyone eles. And still thinking that perm+me=pretty. so feeling low i did it. then i felt terrible. i just couldnt get used to permed hair again i totally went against my grain. i'll just have to set aside money to keep up my braids. so anyway, yesturday i woke up feeling bad about it. thinking how i personally love all things natural. thats just how things are meant to be. at least for me. so i got my baby together and gethered myself said a silent prayer and walked down the street to the barber. told him to take it off. i knew deivin would hate it and that he would hate my wig. but i hated myself. i cant live for him. so when he got in the house ihad my wig on and he stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me "why'd u buy that?" "cause i wanted to change my hair up" "oh how much was it?" "twenty dollars" "oh ok" . i felt bad and lord knows i cant keep a secret. so later that night i said "i have to tell u something" "what?" i got nervous and made up a lie about something. so earllllyyyy this morning devin woke up and we made love. i thought to myself "oh wow how am i gonna keep his hands out of my hair" i tried to avoid sex telling him i was too sleepy, i didnt feel good blah blah blah. but my actions proved otherwise. oh yeah....i have on a scarf to cover my bald. so while we're making love he's grabbing my head and i cringe. he looked at me "you want me to hurry up dont u?" "yeah" (whole time i really didnt want him to. lol. boy was on point this morning but thats a different story. lol) so we finnish and i breathe a sigh of relief. i thougt i was out of the woods for a couple more days. well...out of no where devin asked "did u cut ur hair again?" my face gave it away and he knew i did. he tried to yank my scarf of but i held it on with all my might i didnt want him to see. he got mad and walked away. i was like " devin, i'm so sorry but the perm just wasnt me" "i KNOW it wasnt. you did it cause u thought thats what i wanted and thats not cool. i never WANTED you to perm your hair" "but i know what u like" "hair with no perm is better then head with no hair" i thought WTF was that? and giggled inside "but what hurts is that u lied about it". i felt terrible. i told him i was sorry and that i'd never lie to him again. he said "i dont care what u do with ur hair ur a grown ass women, but i do HATE that wig, but dont lie about nothing." we talked some more and he was hurt. i wish i had just come out with the truth in the beginning. but i feel good i am back to natural. lol. never again will i perm my hair. maybe it was a post pardum

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