Monday, March 30, 2009

OMG!! im ready for this weekend to be here

i dont know why but i am really disliking work this week. and thats odd because i usually never have a problem with working. i like it. but i am anxious. this weekend. i need to accomplish a few things. like get a oil change for one. you know that thing is running 35.00 at Jiffy Lube.

I feel like suuuuch a sinner

and i want to eat and make love!!i want some shrimp fried rice. we havnt made love in a while seems like. and its frustrating. everytime Poots falls asleep i'm too sleepy to make love. and on top of that, she doesnt sleep long during the day. but i want some nasty sex. i'll even say i want to FUCK. ass smackin, bightin, hair pullin roughness. and afterwards eat my shrimp rice. mmmmm...i feel

Names I Call Akira

lol. this is a silly post. But i will list names i call her from 10 - 1 in order from most often to least often:

6. nunu
5. Doo
4.Doo Butt
3.nino poots
1.POOTS (this is the main one, and most important to me)

Sunday, March 29, 2009

I was Sick This Past Week

i had some sort of crazy cold. with a temperature that was super high so i was unable to write. but i feel sooooo much better, not 100% , but better then earlier this week. i still have a cough, tired and weak, and my apetite is still not good. but its all returning. cant wait to feel 100% better. i gave poots my cold too, by a accident. but its not as bad as before.
On top of ALL OF THAT, i started my cycle. WTF!! It hurttt soooo baaad!!! i havnt had it since before i had poots. which was almost 2 years ago. i dont know what made it come all of a sudden. i was nervouse. and i went to the er. but there was nothing to it. no emergency, no WW III , just my cycle. i wish it would go away. i was damn near lost in the store trying to shop for tampons n shit. and guess what?? got the WRONG ones. lol. GO AWAY!! TERRIBLE CURSE of womenhood!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

What I Do For The Best Milk I Can Make

1. Drink 64 oz of WATER
2. Eliminate Coffee
3. Drink Fruit Juice
4. Eat Veggies
5. Take my vitamins
6. Take my Fenugreek in pill or tea form
7. Drink my MOTHERS MILK tea

Increasing Milk Supply

Increasing Milk Supply

By Cheryl Taylor, CBE

When in the course of a happy breastfeeding relationship you notice a supply change, it can cause momentary panic. The first course of action should be to assess a few basic things. Are you resting enough? Getting a good night's sleep? Taking a nap if necessary? Are you drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day? Are you eating a good, healthy diet? These are some of the basics of a nursing relationship that have to be maintained to the very best of your ability. Our bodies aren't necessarily so forgiving of being pushed to the limit when we're nursing. They tend to give us a clear signal. One of those ways is with a dip in supply. Listen to your body and take some action.

Make sure you are:

Resting adequately
Drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day
Eating a nutritious diet
Choosing a night time sleeping arrangement that allows for the best sleep for all involved
Nursing frequently
Make sure you are not doing things that can inhibit supply:

Allergy medications
Sleeping on your stomach - compressing the breasts at night
Wearing a bra that is too tight
Wearing a sling with the rings pressing back against the breast instead up near the shoulder
After having gone through the above steps and getting those things in line, you may still find your supply is not what you feel it should be. The next step is to see how often your baby is wetting. Often what is perceived as a supply problem really isn't a supply problem at all. Observing how much your baby is wetting will tell you whether it is reality or merely a perception.

Another thing to remember has to do with pumping. There are times when you see a drop in what you are able to get at the pump. This may not be so much a drop in supply as it is a change in your reaction at the pump. The baby may have no trouble at all getting letdown, but the pump just isn't fooling your body into one as well as it once did. Making some changes at the pump in the way of heat, massage prior to pumping, positioning, or several other options may do the trick for you.

If you are supplementing, even a single bottle a day, and are struggling with your milk supply, you need to consider ceasing all supplementing. For some women, supplementing even one bottle a day will have a drastic effect on their milk supply.

If all the above has been tried with little success, it may be time to consider using a galactagogue. Galactagogues are a wonderful tool, but should NOT be considered until the above measures have been taken first. It is always prudent to remember that, on the whole, your body knows what it is doing in responding to your baby and providing adequate milk. Galactagogues are a wonderful thing when they are truly necessary but they should be a last resort. There is often an assumption that since herbs are natural, they are safe. That isn't always the case, and in fact, some herbs can be quite dangerous. Please use caution when using herbs and observe your body's reaction to them carefully.

Some of the more common galactagogues (and there are many used over the centuries) are:

Fenugreek is one of the most commonly used galactagogues. It works very quickly in most cases. It can be taken in capsule form with the recommended dose being up to three capsules three times a day. It can be used in conjunction with Blessed Thistle, again working up to three capsules three times a day. The dosage needed varies according to the mother, so experimentation with lesser doses and increasing them if needed is a good idea. One capsule three times a day may be enough to boost one mom's supply when another may need three capsules three times a day.

It is important to be aware that fenugreek can affect blood sugar levels, so much so that it is effectively used to treat diabetes. Knowing this, a nursing mom with hypoglycemia or diabetes needs to watch blood sugar levels if fenugreek is her galactagogue of choice.

The only side effect to make note of is mild gastrointestinal distress when fenugreek is taken in high doses. Typically that would be seen in the mother, but in rare cases it is seen in the infant with an exhibition of some gastrointestinal difficulty which can be as mild as gassiness in the bowels. Animal studies have found fenugreek essentially non-toxic.

Fennel isn't actually a galactagogue, but rather it assists with triggering the letdown reflex. It is particularly useful for working Moms who have found that they've stopped responding well to the pump. Fennel is best as a tincture, 2-4 ml up to three times a day, but can be taken in capsule form. Caution should be used with fennel because it can act as an appetite suppressant. Keep a careful eye on your caloric intake. Also, fennel contains phytoestrogens which if taken in excess can have a negative effect on your supply.

Rescue Remedy
This is a homeopathic remedy that is useful for triggering the letdown reflex. You take four drops under the tongue up to five minutes before pumping or nursing. Rescue Remedy can have a slight sedative effect, so use with caution.

Ignatia 6x
This is a homeopathic remedy that can work well in combination with a mild galactagogue. Dosage would be two tablets three times a day.

Mother's Milk Tea

This tea is a very mild galactagogue containing fenugreek. Some women find that drinking several cups a day is all that is needed of fenugreek to boost their supply. An easy way to drink it is to brew a few cups very strong and cool it. It can be drunk either iced straight or mixed half and half with apple juice.

Continued Use
As with commercial medications, when taking herbs you should always start with the mildest and work your way up, always starting with the lowest dosage possible. Also, keep in mind that galactagogues should be used for boosting supply, not maintaining. Once your supply has established itself at an adequate level, you should try weaning back off the herbs and see if your supply will maintain where needed. They can always be resumed if necessary, but excessive use can lead to unwanted side effects. If you find that you're in a situation where you need to take a galactagogue on an extended basis you should do a program of six weeks on and three weeks off. If you do not give your body a break it will become resistant to the herbs and they will become ineffective.

Milder Galactagogues
If you are looking into trying a galactagogue, start with things like:

alfalfa, work up to four capsules three times a day

marshmallow, work up to four capsules three times a day

nettle, work up to two capsules three times a day

dill, use two teaspoons of raw dill seed on your lunch and dinner or use it to brew a tea

blessed thistle, work up to three capsules three times a day.

These are much safer herbs. Most galactagogues are more effective when used in combination. Combining two or three is much more effective than just using one.


Sometimes a mom finds herself needing to maintain a supply in order to nurse through a pregnancy. In some cases mom finds that the supply and demand system works out nicely and they have no problems nursing right through pregnancy. In other cases mom finds she needs a little help. There are mild galactagogues that are safe to take in pregnancy. These herbs can also be used in combination of two or three.

Nettle up to 2 capsules 3 times a day
Blessed Thistle up to 3 capsules 3 times a day
Dill up to 2 ml tincture 3 times a day
Marshmallow up to 4 capsules 3 times a day

DO NOT take fenugreek, fennel, or alfalfa while pregnant.

There are a couple of prescription medications that have been used with success in situations of serious supply problems. (Reglan and Domperidone are two of these meds) They should be used with prudence and never considered until other basic measures of rest, water, nutrition and nursing frequency have been examined and remedied if necessary. We owe it to ourselves and our children to take care of our overall health, which is most cases, allows our bodies to provide breastmilk to our children. These medications are available in those situations in which the mother has adequate rest, good nutrition, frequent nursing and still finds that supply is a problem.

Genotoxicity testing of a fenugreek extract.
Food Chem Toxicol. 2004 Nov;42(11):1769-75.

Fenugreek seeds have been used in traditional medicines as a remedy for diabetes. Rich in protein, fenugreek seeds contain the unique major free amino acid 4-hydroxyisoleucine (4-OH-Ile), which has been characterized as one of the active ingredients in fenugreek for blood glucose control. Current use of fenugreek in foodstuff has been limited to its role as a flavoring agent, and not as an ingredient to help mitigate the blood glucose response for people with diabetes. As part of a safety evaluation of novel ingredients for use in blood glucose control, the potential genotoxicity of a fenugreek seed extract (THL), containing a minimum of 40% 4-OH-ILE, was evaluated using the standard battery of tests (reverse mutation assay; mouse lymphoma forward mutation assay; mouse micronucleus assay) recommended by US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for food ingredients. THL was determined not to be genotoxic under the conditions of the tested genetic toxicity battery. The negative assay results provide support that addition of THL from fenugreek to foodstuffs formulated for people with diabetes is expected to be safe. A wide safety margin is established, as anticipated doses are small compared to the doses administered in the assays.

Diosgenin, a steroid saponin of Trigonella foenum graecum (Fenugreek), inhibits azoxymethane-induced aberrant crypt foci formation in F344 rats and induces apoptosis in HT-29 human colon cancer cells.
Cancer Epidemiol Biomarkers Prev. 2004 Aug;13(8):1392-8.

Trigonella foenum graecum (fenugreek) is traditionally used to treat disorders such as diabetes, high cholesterol, wounds, inflammation, and gastrointestinal ailments. Recent studies suggest that fenugreek and its active constituents may possess anticarcinogenic potential. We evaluated the preventive efficacy of dietary fenugreek seed and its major steroidal saponin constituent, diosgenin, on azoxymethane-induced rat colon carcinogenesis during initiation and promotion stages. On the basis of these findings, the fenugreek constituent diosgenin seems to have potential as a novel colon cancer preventive agent.

Protective effect of fenugreek (Trigonella foenum graecum) seeds in experimental ethanol toxicity.
Phytother Res. 2003 Aug;17(7):737-43.

The study investigates the effect of aqueous extract of fenugreek seeds (Trigonella foenum graecum) on lipid peroxidation and antioxidant status in experimental ethanol toxicity in rats. The ability of the seed extract to prevent iron-induced lipid peroxidation in vitro was also investigated. Ethanol feeding for 60 days resulted in significant increases in the activities of serum aspartate transaminase, alanine transaminase and alkaline phosphatase. The levels of serum lipid hydroperoxides and thiobarbituric acid reactive substances in liver and brain were also significantly elevated. Significantly lower activities of superoxide dismutase, catalase, glutathione peroxidase, glutathione S-transferase and glutathione reductase were observed in liver and brain accompanied by depletion in glutathione, ascorbic acid and alpha-tocopherol concentrations. Activity of Ca(2+) ATPase in brain was significantly lowered. Simultaneous administration of aqueous extract of fenugreek seeds with ethanol prevented the enzymatic leakage and the rise in lipid peroxidation and enhanced the antioxidant potential. The seeds exhibited appreciable antioxidant property in vitro which was comparable with that of reduced glutathione and alpha-tocopherol. Further, histopathological examination of liver and brain revealed that, aqueous extract of fenugreek seeds could offer a significant protection against ethanol toxicity.

Supplementation of fenugreek leaves lower lipid profile in streptozotocin-induced diabetic rats.
J Med Food. 2004 Summer;7(2):153-6.

The present study was undertaken to evaluate the lipid-lowering effect of fenugreek leaves in diabetes mellitus. Albino Wistar rats were randomly divided into six groups: normal untreated rats; streptozotocin (STZ)-induced diabetic rats; STZ-induced rats + fenugreek leaves (0.5 g/kg of body weight); STZ-induced rats + fenugreek leaves (1 g/kg of body weight); STZ-induced rats + glibenclamide (600 microg/kg of body weight); and STZ-induced rats + insulin (6 units/kg of body weight). Rats were made diabetic by STZ (40 mg/kg) injected intraperitoneally. Fenugreek leaves were supplemented in the diet daily to diabetic rats for 45 days, and food intake was recorded daily. Blood glucose, total cholesterol, triglycerides, and free fatty acids were determined in serum, liver, heart, and kidney. Our results show that blood glucose and serum and tissue lipids were elevated in STZ-induced diabetic rats. Supplementation of fenugreek leaves lowered the lipid profile in STZ-induced diabetic rats.

Therapeutic applications of fenugreek.
Altern Med Rev. 2003 Feb;8(1):20-7.
Basch E, Ulbricht C, Kuo G, Szapary P, Smith M.

Fenugreek has a long history of medical uses in Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine, and has been used for numerous indications, including labor induction, aiding digestion, and as a general tonic to improve metabolism and health. Preliminary animal and human trials suggest possible hypoglycemic and antihyperlipidemic properties of oral fenugreek seed powder.

Mechanism of action of a hypoglycemic principle isolated from fenugreek seeds.
Indian J Physiol Pharmacol. 2002 Oct;46(4):457-62.

Mechanism of action of an orally active hypoglycemic principle isolated from water extract of seeds of Trigonella foenum graecum (fenugreek) was investigated in alloxan induced subdiabetic and overtly diabetic rabbits of different severities. The active principle was orally administered to the subdiabetic and mild diabetic rabbits (five in each group) at a dose of 50 mg/kg body weight for 15 days. The fenugreek treatment produced significant attenuation of the glucose tolerance curve and improvement in the glucose induced insulin response, suggesting that the fenugreek hypoglycemic effect may be mediated through stimulating insulin synthesis and/or secretion from the beta pancreatic cells of Langerhans. Prolonged administration of the same fenugreek dose of the active principle for 30 days to the severely diabetic rabbits (n = 5) lowered fasting blood glucose significantly, but could elevate the fasting serum insulin level to a much lower extent, which suggests an extra-pancreatic mode of action for the active principle. The fenugreek effect may also be by increasing the sensitivity of tissues to available insulin. The fenugreek hypoglycemic effect was observed to be slow but sustained, without any risk of developing severe hypoglycemia.

Effect of Trigonella foenum-graecum (fenugreek) seeds on glycaemic control and insulin resistance in type 2 diabetes mellitus: a double blind placebo controlled study.
J Assoc Physicians India 2001 Nov;49:1057-61.

To evaluate the effects of Trigonella foenum-graecum (fenugreek) seeds on glycemic control and insulin resistance in mild to moderate type 2 diabetes mellitus we performed a double blind placebo controlled study. METHODS: Twenty five newly diagnosed patients with type 2 diabetes (fasting glucose < 200 mg/dl) were randomly divided into two groups. Group I (n=12) received 1 gm/day hydroalcoholic extract of fenugreek seeds and Group II (n=13) received usual care (dietary control, exercise) and placebo capsules for two months. CONCLUSIONS: Adjunct use of fenugreek seeds improves glycemic control and decreases insulin resistance in mild type-2 diabetic patients. Fenugreek also has a favorable effect on hypertriglyceridemia.

Enhancement of circulatory antioxidants by fenugreek during 1,2-dimethylhydrazine-induced rat colon carcinogenesis.
J Biochem Mol Biol Biophys. 2002 Aug;6(4):289-92.
Annamalai University, Annamalai Nagar, Tamil Nadu, India.

We have investigated the modulatory effect of fenugreek seeds (a spice) on circulatory lipid peroxidation (LPO) and antioxidant status during 1,2-dimethylhydrazine (DMH)-induced colon carcinogenesis in male Wistar rats. Enhanced LPO in the circulation of tumor bearing animals was accompanied by a significant decrease in the levels of ascorbic acid, vitamin E, reduced glutathione, glutathione peroxidase, glutathione S-transferase, superoxide dismutase and catalase. Inclusion of fenugreek in the diet significantly decreased LPO with simultaneous enhancement of circulating antioxidants. We report that fenugreek exert its chemopreventive effect by decreasing circulatory LPO and enhancing antioxidant levels.

Effect of fenugreek seeds on blood glucose and serum lipids in type I diabetes.
Sharma RD, Raghuram TC, Rao NS.
National Institute of Nutrition, Indian Council of Medical Research, Hyderabad.
Eur J Clin Nutr. 1990 Apr;44(4):301-6.

The effect of fenugreek seeds (Trigonella foenum graecum) on blood glucose and the serum lipid profile was evaluated in insulin-dependent (Type I) diabetic patients. Isocaloric diets with and without fenugreek were each given randomly for 10 d. Defatted fenugreek seed powder (100 g), divided into two equal doses, was incorporated into the diet and served during lunch and dinner. The fenugreek diet significantly reduced fasting blood sugar and improved the glucose tolerance test. There was a 54 per cent reduction in 24-h urinary glucose excretion. Serum total cholesterol, LDL and VLDL cholesterol and triglycerides were also significantly reduced. The HDL cholesterol fraction, however, remained unchanged. These results indicate the usefulness of fenugreek seeds in the management of diabetes.

Fenugreek Animal Studies
Effect of fenugreek seeds on the fasting blood glucose level in the streptozotocin induced diabetic rats.
Mymensingh Med J. 2004 Jul;13(2):161-4.

In this experiment defatted Trigonella foenumgraecum (fenugreek seeds/methi seeds) has used as the antidiabetogenic herbal medicine. The experiment was carried out in Bangabandhu Sheikh Mujib Medical University and BIRDEM from 1996 to 1998 on a total of 58 Long Evans rats of either sex. They were 50-60 days young rats with average body weight 72-174 gm. Among the total, 10 rats were treated with only vehicle called as non-diabetic control rats, 48 rats were treated with Streptozotocin (STZ) at a dose of 90mg in 1ml of citrate buffer solution per kg body weight, among which 20 were diabetics. Ten (1 died, 1 escaped) diabetic rats were again treated with fenugreek called as Fenugreek-treated diabetic rats and the rest 10 diabetic rats were called as diabetic control rats. The change in the mean fasting blood glucose (FBG) level in different groups of rat from day 5 from streptozotocin injection were higher in diabetic control group and in fenugreek-treated diabetic group than in non diabetic control group. The FBG level on day 13 the mean in non-diabetic control group was 5.21 mmol/L. In diabetic control group and in fenugreek-treated diabetic group the mean FBG level were 24.33 mmol/L and 9.89 mmol/L respectively. So, from this experiment it may be concluded that fenugreek decreases the FBG level considerably by improving diabetes mellitus.

Supplementation of fenugreek leaves to diabetic rats. Effect on carbohydrate metabolic enzymes in diabetic liver and kidney.
Phytother Res. 2003 Dec;17(10):1231-3.

The present study was designed to evaluate the effect of supplementation of fenugreek leaves, an indigenous plant widely used in Indian Ayurvedic medicine for the treatment of diabetes mellitus, in streptozotocin induced diabetic rats. Supplementation of the diet with fenugreek leaves showed a significant effect on hyperglycaemia, hypoinsulinaemia and glycosylated haemoglobin in streptozotocin diabetic rats. Fenugreek leaves improved the body weight and liver glycogen. Fenugreek leaves also showed a significant effect on key carbohydrate metabolic enzymes in diabetic rats. The effect of fenugreek leaves was found to be similar to that of glibenclamide. Thus, fenugreek leaves exhibited antidiabetic action in streptozotocin-induced diabetic rats. Insulin restored all the parameters to near normal levels in diabetic rats.


Herbs to Avoid while Breastfeeding

Using large amounts of the following herbs and other natural remedies should be avoided while nursing because they have been known to decrease milk supply. The amounts of these herbs normally used in cooking are unlikely to be of concern; it's mainly the larger amounts that might be used therapeutically that could pose a problem. However, some moms have noticed a decrease in supply after eating things like dressing with lots of sage, sage tea (often recommended when moms are weaning), lots of strong peppermint candies or menthol cough drops, or other foods/teas with large amounts of the particular herb. These herbs are sometimes used by nursing mothers to treat oversupply, or when weaning.

Black Walnut
Herb Robert (Geranium robertianum)
Lemon Balm
Parsley (Petroselinum crispum)
Peppermint (Mentha piperita)/Menthol
Periwinkle Herb (Vinca minor)
Sage (Salvia officinalis)
Sorrel (Rumex acetosa)

I Love Breastfeeding

I will do it for as long as possible. As long as i feel like. She is MY baby and they are MY boobs. Breastfeeding my baby makes me happy. It calms me down, not to mention the benefits to her. SO, because we BOTH benefit, everyone needs to get outta my face and give me my baby time because the best part of my day is when its time to feed her. i looove her. and when i walk in the house from being gone all night at work, she greets me with the BIGGEST smile, and we suggle up together and nurse and go to sleep. AFTER we watch SID THE SCIENCE KID of course. lol. she loves that show.

FASHION: jewelry i love (Bracelets & Necklaces)
Today, Soulcrafted specializes in crystal and wire jewelry. His artwork is both nation and worldwide. Artists such as Erykah Badu, Common, Jill Scott, Floetry, Dead Prez, Jazzy Fatnastees, Quest Love, Musiq, and Talib Kweli, have adorned his jewelry.

FASHION: jewelry i love. Im IN LOVE!!

THis jewelry MEANS something. it is sooo beautiful, and the meanings of the healing stones used to create these master pieces are breath taking. i want to get me a few pieces. i think they will my spirit to calm down. for me to be calmer and repell some of this negative energy in my life.

The crystal Xi.N.Tist Part one

This is the non-commercial release of Crystal sciences for

Non-commercial because, those souls that are truly about the science (Xi.Nse) will find reason to understand and pay attention to the WAY these things are written, while others will be “dumfounded” therefore needing more “training wheels”, ie. Other crystal sites online, WHICH I ENTHUSE YOU TO STUDY. Personally, I like the book,LOVE IS IN THE EARTH BY MELODY. She has incredibly fruitful insights about crystal-conscious-emotional development.


Well..right now the human body is a form of CRYSTAL TECHNOLOGY.

Understand that?
The crystalline manifestation of universal matter, (ie. Clay, Dust, Gasses, Water, Bacteria, etc.)

to be a shell for…
“THE BREATH OF GOD” (assuming that everyone reading this is breathing)

I’ll try to take my time here…

The human body is made up from all forms of matter found in this planet.**
All natural stones and crystals can be broken down to ELEMENTS found in what we call MINERALS and VITAMINS, which are LIVING FORCES assisting LIFE.
These things VIBRATE. VIBRATION is what makes the difference between how hard or soft a stone or crystal is, and various “hardness” creates different TONES.***

TONE like MUSCLES, TONES like colors, TONES like SOUNDS…all of these things create MOODS…****


Ever heard ya momma say “You’d better not keep that TONE with me!?!”

She was referring to the WAY you communicate and the SOUND-ENERGY you give off.

Stones and metals vibrate and make subtle sounds that your cells can hear.
Skin cells absorb light and vibrational qualities of all material influences, FACT.

How do we know this to be true?
Seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and touching are all felt in the skin to some degree…
(all experiences translate into the 5 senses on some level)

So u feel me? If not, read it again.

And realize how SENSITIVE you really are.

The vibration of a STONE or CRYSTAL is its TONE, crystals are being used as a tool for ATTUNEMENT and ATONEMENT.****

**(SOME PEOPLE may even have ELEMENTS in their bodies that do not ORIGINATE from this planet)
***ref. -S.Tones
****ref. –MU, “Mooo”
*****?Who is ATON


Agate is a protective stone. It promotes self-confidence, intelligence, strength, harmony, and healing.

Promotes good luck, success, healing, and creativity. Amazonite allows the user to experience joy and kindness.

Promotes warmth, healing, sensuality, love, and success. Amber aids the in purifying the body.

Has the power to purify the mental, spiritual, and physical being. Amethyst promotes enlightenment and has the power to connect the user with his/her angelic guides. The stone is excellent for divination. It can be used to transform negativity energy.

Promotes intelligence, courage, calmness, and peace. Aquamarine is a great stone for mediation and psychic awareness.

Promotes health, mental clarity, tranquility, well-being, and banishes fears. The stone is good for sleep and blood disorders.

Good for meditation, connecting with higher self, and healing.

Promotes grounding, courage, intelligence, prosperity, and clarity. Bloodstone aids the circulatory and endocrine system.

Promotes self-confidence, creativity, and courage. It is good for abdomen health, menstrual cramps, and the skin.

Clear Quartz
It is the mother gem. It draws out negativity, pain, and disease. It is good for convulsions, diarrhea, dizziness, pain, hemorrhages, and heaes.

Cleanses the body and tissues. It aids digestive health, circulatory and urinary system. It promotes optimism, and self confidence. The stone is also good for business.

Promotes sensuality, love, passion, and self confidence. It also protects the user from evil and negativity.

Promotes calmness, grounding, and stabilization. The stone is aloes good for healing and divination.

Assists with anger, stress, and worry. Howlite decreases selfishness, stress, pain, and offensiveness. Howlite also promotes bone and teeth health.

A soothing and calming stone. Infinite aids healers and those in dire need of healing. The stone draws out pain and negativity.

Promotes harmony, love, balance, and wisdom. This stones aids healing after physical, mental, or spiritual trauma.

Calms, nurtures, and protects. Jasper strengthens the liver, stomach, and gall bladder. Jasper also assists in astral travel.

Lapis Lazuli
Is good for friendship, protection, intuition, and creativity. Lapis Lazuli can connect the user with soul mates, and spiritual guardians, and higher self.

Brings forth clarity and cleanses and protects the user from negativity. Malachite promotes, love, wealth, healing, and health.

Aids innutrition and protects woman during pregnancy and childbirth. Moonstone is calming and promotes love.

Is good for grounding. Obsidian releases stress, anger, and negative behaviors. It promotes stomach, intestine, and liver health.

Onyx Protects the users aura (energy field).Onyx provides grounding, relieves stress, and creates balance.

Promotes, healing, abundance, harmony, and reduces stress. Peridot is good for the digestive system.

Pyrite promotes intellect, creativity, wealth, and balance. It aids in protection and grounding. The stone is helpful to the circulatory system.

Rose Quartz
Rose Quartz heals wounded hearts. It promotes self love and aids in the ability to receive and attract love. Rose quartz provides happiness, lowers stress, and calms. The stone is good for the reproductive system and heart. It can also aid in relieving depression, headaches, circulatory problems, and addictions.

Aids with mental clarity, concentration, will–power, and spiritual guidance.

Promotes intellect, peace, wisdom, and healing.

Assists with love and protection. Unakite is an excellent stone for mother-to-be.

VIDEO: Jill Scott "Hate on Me"

Found this video to be a bit encouraging. lol. LOVVVVE it!!

Jill Scott - hate on me

If I could give you the world on a silver platter
Would it even matter? You'd still be mad at me
If I could find in all this a dozen roses
Which I would give to you, you'd still be miserable

In reality I'm gon' be who I be and I don't feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought
You can try as you may, break me down when I say
That it ain't up to you, gonna do what you do

Hate on me, hater, now or later
'Cause I'm gonna do me, you'll be made, baby
Go 'head and hate on me, hater, I'm not afraid of
What I got I paid for, you can hate on me

Ooh, if I gave you peaches outta my own garden
And I made you a peach pie, would you slap me out?
Wonder if I gave you diamonds out of my own womb
Would you feel the love in that or ask why not the moon?

If I gave you sanity for the whole of humanity
Handed all the solutions for the pain and pollution
No matter where I live, despite the things I give
You'll always be this way, so go 'head and

Hate on me, hater, now or later
'Cause I'm gonna do me, you'll be made, baby
Go 'head and hate on me, hater, I'm not afraid of
What I got I paid for, you can hate on me

Hate on me, hater, now or later
'Cause I'm gonna do me, you'll be made, baby
Go 'head and hate on me, hater, I'm not afraid of
What I got I paid for, you can hate on me

You cannot hate on me 'cause my mind is free
Feel my destiny, so shall it be
You cannot hate on me 'cause my mind is free
Feel my destiny, so shall it be

Hate on me, hater, now or later
'Cause I'm gonna do me, you'll be made, baby
Go 'head and hate on me, hater, I'm not afraid of
What I got I paid for, you can hate on me

VIDEO: Tami Chynn "Tell Mi Seh"

YouTube - tami chynn - tell mi seh (officiel)

YouTube - tami chynn - tell mi seh (officiel)

by O

video from

VIDEO: Tami Chynn

YouTube - Tami Chynn - Hyperventilating

YouTube - Tami Chynn - Hyperventilating

by O

video from

Thursday, March 19, 2009

VIDEO: poots in the er

this was soooome time ago. this winter. i think we had just moved in our new house. and the dr told us she has asthma. poors poots. i felt so sad for her during that whole ordeal. but she looked sooooooooo cute. MY DIDDLE POOTS!!

VIDEO: poots being silly

lmaoooo. i had to dig this up of her. she is soooo fun.

Relax on a Budget

what can i do this weekend to help me relax? but i dont have a lot of money?

i am beginning to dislike people mad...this is just how i feel

i mean, i remember shit being sooooo peaceful when i was alone. or when i just had ashley as my friend. now people mad at me for shit, its a bunch of "he said , she said" shit, and im bout ready to pull my hair out. although i dont have to , these days the stress is making it fall out on its own. things have been rocky between devin and i. i am tired of hearing kieths mouth. im tired of hearing my moms mouth. u know the other day, she LITERALLY said to me, that SHE CAN call ME, but i CANT call her. because im the disfellowshipped one. and if she does call me i should count it as a privledge. WHAT!!!???? i am soooo fuckin tired of people disrespecting and demeaning me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a friend that i thought i could talk to and be close with told me not to tell her my problems anymore because its too much for her to handle and she gets tired of hearing the same shit. ok, thats her right. but damn. i thought we was friends. i thought we could talk about shit and lean on each other. i guess shes not the person i can do that on. this shit with this OTHER girl got me fuckin blown. i DIDNT DO ANYTHING wrong!!!! i am just pissed off with people right now. i want kieth to get out, because he disturbs my peace. i want him and my friend to stop talking because she admitted that she puts him ahead of me. which is FINE, dont get me wrong. but i feel i should be able to get a LITTLE of your time. i mean, suppose u and him dont work?? then what? u gonna have time for me again? whattype shit is that?? you can come to me and tell me when u mad at him, but when shit is good i do\nt hear nothing from yo ass. oh yea...and DONT tell me SHIT ANYMORE, because if my drama is too much and u tired of hearing it, im tired of hearing YOURS TOO. maybe im dead ass wrong for how i feel. maybe i am being spoiled, but this is how i feel. i think it is when women shuve thier friends to the side for a dick. thats y men rule the fuckin world. because women dont support ONE ANOTHER!!! soon as some dick come along we acting dickmatized. and no it may not be ALL ABOUT the sex. but thats what it is, because men have dicks! if that wasnt the case, we would still be able to be friends and just as close as we always were. we act catty with one another. thats how come men are able to do the shit they do to us and get away with it. cause we act so fuckin weak for them, and weak in our defence of one another.
im mad at the fact that devin is trying to treat me nicer and better, but he still aint got no job. that shit makes me wanna be a bitch, but i cant cause he trynna be nice to me. and kieth can disturb my peace all in my house, and still aint got no job. im mad that i expected my friend NOT to go back and tell kieth ANYTHING, she did it ANYWAYS and devin tells me i dont have a right to be mad. and that i am a hypocrit, because we have always told one anothers business. THATS NOT THE POINT!! if i SPECIFICALLY ask u NOT to tell something, thats what i want! and i dont need him telling me im a a hypacrit. im mad that i did what i did and i talked to who i talked to. i stooped to his level. i prided myself on not being the fucked up on in our relaationship, but because i was being emotional i chatted on the net with him. i hate the fact that if i forgive something, i supposed act that that wrong never accured. i have a memory. i am just angry and pissed off. stressed out and i want this all to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE KIETH so that devin and i can focuse on our shit with out u adding ur drama shit. every time i turn around i gotta fuss with him AND devin bout some shit. this is how i feel. im mad that i cant talk to anyone. i have noone here to hang out with that supports me. im mad that my mom said what she said to me. and im mad my dad wont mind his business. i need to let this shit go. ALL of it. im not fuckin signing on to yahoo im NO MORE. im not talking to kieth NO MORE. i have nothing to say to him. i have nothing to say to kieth, sam, my mom, my dad, or devin. because if i tell him how i feel, he will do one of the 2 things : 1. get mad and annoyed 2. tell me, you dont want me to tell u, rather u right or wrong, u want me to pat u on ur back when u wrong. and im not doing that. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i want u to have my BACK LIKE I FUCKIN HAVE YOURSSSSSSSSSS! RATHER YOU RIGHT OR WRONNNNNNG!! YOU GOT KIETHS BACK LIKE THAT!! AND EVERYBODY DAMN ELES!! Y CANT U HAVE MINE LIKE THAT???

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


oh my goodness!!!!!! i am TOTALLY addcited to this new site. and i have been for a few months now. its like, the best thing EVER. i am trying to think of a great social site to create. it had been eatting at me for weeks now. i want something dynamic and spiritual. and what i am leaning towards is a social site for conscious baltimore. people in the area of baltimore that are conscious. for support and all. i know, that if i had more support for living natural, breastfeeding, and just some great girlfriends, life would be more fun. but anyone who can, please go to this site. its GREAT!!!

a composite list of wishes and wants: RANDOM

i have decided to write down EVERYTHING i can think of that i want or wish for in no particular order:
1. to be infatuatingly (not a word?), nauseatingly (still not a word) in LOVE
2. to be a perfect mom
3. to live on a island
4. live on a hippie commune
5. have complete peace
6. be reinstated
7. be married
8. to have rediculously long, big hair that never tangled
9. to be a vegeterian
10. to be a natural health practitioner
11. to have my best friend ashley live here in baltimore with me
12. to have no DRAMA
13. have a perfect relationship with god
14. to be the type of women were NOTHING disturbs my peace but me displeasing god, or not being the best mother i can be
15. to travel the world
16. i wish i had enough money to travel the world. i want to take poots to Hawaii, Fiji, japan, tokyo, egypt
17. to go to egypt b4 i go anywhere
18. to have enough money to do what i want when i want
19. i wish i could stick to my goals and fulfill them
20. i had perfect skin
21. i wish icould appreciate what i do have physically
22. i were 10 or 20lbs lighter

so far this all i can think of. i will come back and add more, the more i think of them


.........LOVE & PEACE.........

Monday, March 16, 2009

ewwww ewwww ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

why do i do this? when i know how i am!!?? i sit and watch stuff that i KNOW i cant handle and now im sitting up here itchin and scratchin from a damn tv show!! aughhhhhhhhhhh. the show is on ANIMAL PLANET and its called BITTEN. this one segment the boy went to sould south american jungle and got bitten by a fly that laid its eggs in his skin!!! OH GOD!!!! it was the most disguisting and disturbing tv show. lmaoooo. and i sat there like a ding bat and WATCHED it. i just couldnt TURN!!

Saturday, March 14, 2009


On track. I came in the house and began packing my stuff. I had found a place to stay and all that.all that day he acteed as if me leaving didn't matter. And really that was just fuel for my fire.i was literally THROWING my shit in a bag. we didnt say much to one another all that day. except for me occationally asking him was he REALLY serious about how noncelant he was acting. he would give me some excuse. no reason was what i wanted to hear other then "dont go . i love you and i want you. stay. " all i wanted was to feel like he loves me as much as i love him. at any rate. i went to sleep later that night and he came in the room and pulled me out of the bed and said "come spend time with me befor you leave." so i did. we went in the living roo while kira slept in the bedroom. he wrapped his arms around me and said "im not as hard as u think i am. i dont want u to go. i do love you soooo much. i promise u i will do better. i'll kiss u more, ect ect ect. PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME." wow! there it was. thats what i wanted to hear. we continued to talk. and a lot was resolved. so it looks like the wedding is back in place.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

y cant we just be in love

Is it too much to ask for , for peace and happiness in my house? Is it too much to ask or to be wanted and loved? Don't chalk my feelings up to foolish or me making stuff up n my head. This is what he doe to me. I asked him how he felt about me leaving......and literally he said he feels no kindda way. He could really take it or leave it. I never new this. So I am going to live with my cousin a while. I just need time to myself. I need him to grow up. I need us to stoparguing. I need to be respected, I need someone to CARE when I am getting ready to walk out the door. . I need him to me just as in love with me as I am with him. But he is not. Our relationship used to be so much better then this. We usedto be happy. Now I'm leaving

HAIR STORIES: i'll NEVER get micro mini braids again

my hair has broken off REDUCULOUSLY around the edges. idk y i didnt think it would happen. but it did. aint this some shit? anyway. i aint taking them out yet. its been a while thought and they still look good considering. lmaooo. i am worried about my edges and how they will do with the rest of this protective hair style chal;lenge for the rest of this year. once i take these down i will depp condition and get a weave and that will give my edgesa rest. but i am going to try to keep these in got 3-6 mos or at least til devin finds a jobs. i aint trynna look COMPLETELY busted. lmaooo. i need to wash them though. i am seeing build up at the roots on the braids around the sides and back.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

WEDDING STORIES: we're taking a break

i cant believe this. the man that i once loved sooooooo much has become unbearble. last night i called off our wedding and tonight i told him im leaving because i need a break. just evreything that goes on in our relationship as a whole , coupled with my depression is too much to handle right now. im worried because i have no place to go. and ill have poots during the day. mmmmmm...

post pardum depression

i am looking forward to having fun this spring and summer. unlike last year. last year spring and summer was sooo hard. dealing with being a new mom and post pardum depression. mmmmm. i still am not COMPLETELY over it, but it is SOOOOO much better. a lot of women with post pardum hate their babies, and crazy shit like that. i never did that. my post pardum had to do with me. me feeling bad about how i looked, the type of women and mother i was. if anything she helped me through. but i cant wait for it to be over. i cant wait to feel like myself again. i wonder if my relationship has a lot to do with how i feel. really, i dont get much support. its like we argue all the time, and no matter how i feel i am wrong. sometimes i just want support but he tells me "you just want me to pat u on the back when you are wrong!!" damn. plus im sleepy all the time. it has to do with my depression. i hate it. its like i cant sleep enough. my post pardum thoughts are also bad. i think about EVERY man in poots life harming her. i run myself insane trying to be the only one that protects her. trusting only myself.
the only reason i go home is to be with poots. she is the only reason i pull myself through that door in the mornings. what can i do to make myself feel better. i always looked down on women who suffered with post pardum depression. thinking that they were selfishly not finding ALL thier joy in thier child. but now that i am going through it, i realize that is simply NOT true. not always does it have anything to do with the baby. a lot of times it can have to with having lack of support, a annoying husband that doesnt understand you, not having ur family, feeling bad about YOU, feeling incompitent. when will it go away.


this whole weekend the weahther here in baltimore was absolutly flawless!! as a matter of a fact i pulled out the old flip flops. which reminds me that it is DEFF time for a new cute pair. mmm. that should be fun. as a matter of fact i was in Rainbow and i saw a few REALLY cute outfits i would like to get for this spring and summer time.
you know what i have noticed? that in this blog i censor myself and dont write a lot of what i would like to because im afraid someone i know may read it and get offended. i dont know. iv been round n around with this before. but writting and blogging really is my therapy. whats the worst that could happen. if im writting about a persona that got on my nerves ...what? they not gonna like me no more? they done already got on my nerves so i aint too pressed. lmaooo but i am also afraid of being judged and hearing people's negative comments about MY life. so im thinking , if i don want a public opinion then maybe i shouldnt post in a public place? what you think? you know what?? FUCK It. im writting how i feel TODAY. i may not do it tomorrow, i may even take it down later, but right now today i an WRITTING for the rush i feel when my fingures feel like they cant hit the keys fast or hard enough. so here goes:
you wanna know what is sooooo annoying?? when people try to figure out my finances for me! well not PEOPLE...particularly the in laws. its like they just KNOW that devin and I have ALL THIS EXTRA money. They just KNOW thay devin and i miss payments on shit we are supposed to pay! they just KNOW we CAN afford the things THEY feel we should be able to. i mean, i am the ONLY person right now supporting a house of FOUR people ALONE!! and even befor then things were tight for us. but where the fuck do u get off telling devin what we need in our house and asking about what we spend OUR money on!!! muth a fucka if we dont have it , we dont have it. if you knw what we spned our money on, thats STILL not gonna magically make us have money!!! its not like devin and i EVER ask them for money!!! and if we ever did they wouldnt give it to us. they tighter then fish pussy. when thier son was locked up devin and i bailed him out of jail. for something he didnt do. and you know we got no THANK YOU, not a red cent in contribution...NOTHING. and that money was from our savings. kieth would still be locked up if it werent for us. speaking of kieth's ready for him to get the fuck outta my house. he has not made his stay peacable and he's not contributing to shit. get the fuck out nigga!! devin and i got into a argument today and he said some things that he has NEVER said before. and he said that being nice and sweet is a REAL struggle for him, so when he exploded today it was a BUILD UP of shit that he has been holding his tongue about for the past few weeks that he has been "nice". he says its a struggle for him because of the things he has been through in his childhood.i called off our wedding. because i dont want anyone to have to struggle to be nice to me. i dont know what will come of this. rather or not things will get back on track. but i really feel like idont want to be with him. i wan to be in LOOOOVE. i want that i cant live with out u type of love. i want that i'll give u the last of what i have type love. that i'll sacrifice my life for u type of love. we were watching a movie a few months ago, called crash and there was a scene in the movie where this couple was being frisked. well when the cop got to the guys wife, he was totally innapropriate. touching her sexually and what not. well in the movie he didnt stand up for her because he didnt want to got to jail. and i got mad. i asked devin if he would do that and he said said no. so like last week and asked the same question and he said "i dont know". YOU DONT KNOW??? whay dont you know??? i want someone who will die for me. someone who cant wait o give me kisses. someone who love my hair and thinks im beautiful no matter how i have my hair. i want someone who doesnt have to STRUGGLE to be nice to me. STRUGGLE??? dude? r u fuckin serious? what type of women am i that u have to STRUGGLE to be nice to me, cause honestly i dont think im THAT bad. i have to go. i cant write anymore.
i want someone who says to me "damn ki...i dont know..theres just SOMETHING about you.!"

Monday, March 9, 2009

Jimmy Fallon Sucks

he is NOT funny!! His voice sounds too plain, and he just gets on my nerves. the best part of his show is his house band. THE ROOTS. i miss conan and i cant wait for him to return in july.

TODAY IS HER BIRTHDAY: 1 years old!!

To my Poots:
You will never know the happiness and joy that u have brought me. in just one year, a little person , not even 20lbs yet has turned me into a different women. watching you grow this first year has opened my eyes to what life is really all about. it has opened my eyes to the deffinition of motivation. when i hold you i wonder where you came from. lol. and where you are going in life. all i know for sure is that i will always be here to experience it with you. youre highs and lows, when u'v given it your all or fallen just a little short, i'll be here to cry with u in defeat or laugh with you in triumph and victory. but no matter where life takes you after this first year, just know you are a beautiful black princess, and to never think other wise. always carry yourself as such! i LOVE you, more then words could ever describe. or maybe they could, i just havnt found the vocabulary. lol
For You I Will

Verse 1:
When your feeling lost in the night,
When yo feel your world’ just ain’t right,
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I wll be here
Anytime the times get too tough,
Anytime your best ain’t enough
I’ll be the one to mak it beter,
I’ll be there to protect you,
See you through,
I’ll be there and there is nothing
I won’t do

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strengh
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I ill

Verse 2:
I will shield yur heart from the rain
I will let no harm come your way
Oh these arms will be yur shelter
No these arms won’t let you down,
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you
I’m here for you, I’m here forever
I will be your fortress, tall and strong
I’ll keep you safe,
I’ll stand beside you, right or wrong

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I will

Verse 3:
For you I will, lay my life on the line
For you I will find your heart
For you I will die
With every breath, with all my soul
I’ll give my world, I’ll give it all
Put your faith in me (put your faith in me)
And I’ll have to leave it be

I will cross the ocean for you (I will cross the ocean)
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength (oh I will be your hero)
Anything you need (I will be)
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all times
Promise you (promise you)
For you I will

I will, I will, (I will)

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will wll be your hero your strength
Anything you need (let me be your hero)
I will be the sun in your sky (yeah baby)
I will light your way for all times
Promise you (I promise you)
For you I will (I will)

Promise you (promise you)
For you I will (whoa...)

I promise you
For you i, I will


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I dont write because i am scared

there are some things that i desprately want to write in this blog. things i need help with. things to dark...but i need help. HELP ME

Sunday, March 1, 2009

poots: now she has four teeth

poots: 7 days til one

now she is standing (trying to walk) and has FOUR teeth

the four teeth

poots: 7 days til ONE (pt3)

poots: 7 days til one (pt 2)

Poots: 7 days til one year

she will be one next monday. i dont know what to say. this year has been ..... WOW! i think about the day she was born. last march the 9th. Sunday @ 5: 42 pm. i looked at her, and i thought "she looks like mina! she is soooooooooo pretty". and i was happy she didnt have all that goowy stuff on her eyes. lol. in my first month of motherhood, it didnt hit me that i was a MOTHER. to be honest it STILL hasnt. it's such a prestigious privledge to be a mother. something that only the best of the best kind of person would even deserve. there are times i look at her and i think.... how could i (lil ol' me) be YOUR mother. there are times i dont feel i even DESERVE her love and the happiness she gives me. and i really feel that motherhood, should never be taken for granted. it is a privledge. and i think about MY life, and the decisions i have made. and i wonder y she choose me. in my fist month of motherhood, i did what i was SUPPOSED to do. i changed her, fed her, and read to her to put her to sleep. But i just DID. it was almost mechanical. i didnt THINK about it. because love and motherhood, hadnt effected me yet. but it seems like almost OVERNIGHT, my love her exploded like a atom bomb. she inched gloriously into my heart and soul, and in just one year SHE has changed my life, and effected me more then ANYONE or ANYTHING iv EVER known in 23 years. she is amazing, and beautiful, and fussy, funny, loving, and every other delightful descriptive word that i cant think of now. lol.

minutes old

2 mos

5 mos: turning over for the forst time