Tuesday, April 28, 2009

ALL of Bob Marley's Sons Are CUTE!!



MAXI PRIEST: "Close to You" is MY song!!!

Diet, exercise and learning how to properly relax are all natural remedies for PMS.

Diet, exercise and learning how to properly relax are all natural remedies for PMS.

The dietary guidelines for a woman with PMS is to reduce her sugar and salt intake which will reduce bloating, and swelling of hands and feet, relieve breast tenderness and help to prevent dizziness. She needs to increase her consumption of foods that contain potassium, such as beans, broccoli, and fish. She should eat small, frequent meals in order to help stablelize her blood sugar. She should also eliminate all caffeine from her diet. Caffeine aggravates anxiety, breast tenderness, and depression. A woman with PMS should increase her intake of fruits, beans, nuts, seeds, fish and vegetables. She should avoid alcohol and decrease her intake of fed meat or fatty foods.

Other natural remedies include using Ginkgo, vitamin E, Royal jelly, OPCs, Uva ursi, St. Johns wort, wild yam, dandelion, and progesterone cream. Reflexology and chiropractic services are also beneficial.

Returning PMS/ my convo with SAM

I am soul_frodisiac)

soul_frodisiac: oh
soul_frodisiac: lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
soul_frodisiac: girl
soul_frodisiac: i have been SUCHHHHH a BITCH
soul_frodisiac: these past few days
amethystine225: y
soul_frodisiac: PMS
soul_frodisiac: i forgot that i have that shit NOW!!
soul_frodisiac: im usuing ur pads
soul_frodisiac: but its comming
soul_frodisiac: i have been walkin around pickin fights, ANGRY, and just TOTALLY BITCHY
amethystine225: damn son
soul_frodisiac: i be ANGRY for no reason
soul_frodisiac: i think there may be something wrong
soul_frodisiac: because for the first time ever today
amethystine225: like wat
soul_frodisiac: i HATED devin
soul_frodisiac: and he aint even do shit
amethystine225: lmaooo
soul_frodisiac: i mean
soul_frodisiac: i REALLY wanted him to die!
amethystine225: y
amethystine225: lol
soul_frodisiac: i never felt like this b4 i had poots when i was PMS'ing
soul_frodisiac: I think i may go stay with my cousin for a few days
soul_frodisiac: til it comes
soul_frodisiac: looooooooooool
amethystine225: damn
soul_frodisiac: my poor poor devin
soul_frodisiac: he didnt deserve nothing i put him through today of yesturday
soul_frodisiac: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
soul_frodisiac: i feel like crying
soul_frodisiac: he wanted to do our bibel readong together
soul_frodisiac: and i acted sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo childish
soul_frodisiac: and disrespectful
amethystine225: what did u do
soul_frodisiac: and all he wanted to do was read the bible
soul_frodisiac: when it came to my turn to read it, i read it REAL FAST and low
soul_frodisiac: and he could hardly hear me
soul_frodisiac: looooooooooooooool
soul_frodisiac: and
soul_frodisiac: when i was praying
soul_frodisiac: i was saying how i need help cause sometimes he really makes me angry and i really dislike him
soul_frodisiac: pooor devin
soul_frodisiac: he was sooooooooooo sad yesturday
amethystine225: damn
amethystine225: lmaooooooo
amethystine225 is typing a message.
amethystine225: n u dont kno why
soul_frodisiac: yea i think imma stay with my cousin til i start my cyle
soul_frodisiac: i was just being MEAN!! and DEVILISH
soul_frodisiac: pickin fights and being mad
soul_frodisiac: lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
soul_frodisiac: thats TERRIBLE!!!

THis is a Convo between me and a friend about my PMS. I need to get some tea, and stuff to calm me down, so im not so angry during this time and picking fights with devin. like even right now as i type, i just feel MAD. FOR NO REASON THOUGH! This is insane! no, really, i feel like a crazy person. i was laying in the bed earlier, all i was doing wa laying and i was JUST PISSED OFF!! i have NEVER PMS'd like this before having Poots. i wonder if having her, and having the epidoral and stuff just jacked up my hormones and made my PMS sooooooooo much worse. i mean, i think back to last month and the cramp were the worst i had EVER felt, now i am more hormonal then ihave EVER felt. i think there is a reason for all this

Feeling Annoyed And Just Some Kindda Way

idk if it's just that i am sleepy, but i have been feeling really annoyed and angry inside. wanting to cry and stuff like that. i wonder if i'm just getting ready to start my cycle this month and thats y i am soooo moody. i didnt mark in my calender when i started it last month (see i never used to do that prior to me getting pregnant. i got pregnant and started bf'ing and completely forgot how to care for my cycle lmaooo). this is just a time that i need to pray MORE MORE MORE! because i am going around the house picking arguments with devin and there is no need for it. getting offended and irrational over every little thing. i think that i while i am i on my cycle since that is a cleansing process i will use those days as a way to INTENSIFY my prayer, bible reading, and writting rutine. today i was writting all types of stuff in my new book and feeling all types of CRAZY ass PMS'y ways. i HATE PMS. It REALLY takes u outside of urself. I just hope devin understands. i think imay just need to stay to myself for the next couple days.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

i Have so Much Bible Reading To Catch up on

THe drama of last week, REALLY knocked me off my feet. and thats what i hate. as soon as something bad starts happening i fall off of doing what i know i should do. i mean, i did my bible reading ALMOST daily, really just enough to feel i had did something. and i really needed the holy sprit. i feel we were guidied to the right decision. Jehovah truly is a living god who hears prayers. Today we did our bible reading together. our goal for this week is to get through the book of John togther by friday. His mom is kind of acting as our counselor for the next few weeks. i pray that what she says and our bible reading combo, reallly pentrates to our relationship. and helps us as a couple. i am soooo open and READY to recieve holy spirit and gods direction. so tonight, i have to read genesis 31-exodus 2. i KNOW its a lot, but i will be blessed for accomplishing it all tonight. i am praying to be more diligent in my bible reading and prayer. NO MATTER WHAT. i figure, the MORE i pray when things are good, the more i will be INCLINED to pray when things are bad. i will just AUTOMATICALLY go into "prayer mode". i praying now also that devin's heart opns up to spirtual directioon and that he KNOW what he believes and follow it. welp, off to do my bible reading. follow my progress tonight on twitter. lol. ill be leaving some encouragment

just writting

Its sunday morning and I had gotten up and got dressed for the meeting but I never found my keys. Today was the special talk and I really wanted to be there. I wanted to be there because I am supposed to be. I feel sad for not being able to go. And I need to put more effort in attending my thursday night meetings. Its just that I have worked the night before and I have to work that night and be sooooo sleepy. But that's not a good excuse or any escuse really. . I can do it. That's what I am going to tell myself. Because I only have two meeting a week. And I work the night shift from sunday til thursay. I have off friday and saturday. So I have a meeting int the beginning of my work week and the end.. that's noy bad at all. I will pray to be diligent at attending my meetings.
Yesturday and today is the natural hair care expo and I have no money or gas to go. Lol. Oh well, there is always next year

J:a HAIR: took the micro mini briads down

I will never get those again! They took so much of my hair out around the edges.but it did grow a lot! That was the one thing I was excited about. Devin helped me take them out. Lol. I would have never thought he'd do thlol. He unbraids quicker then I do. It didn't take us long at all. We started at about 11am and finnished about 5.pm. I he helped me wash it and two strand flat twisted it. Yaaaay! I can finally two strand it n stuff. This protective style will just have to last me til thursday or friday of next week. Then I will decide rather or not I want to put kinky twists in it or a weave. Lol.

Friday, April 24, 2009

HAIR: The Micro Mini Braids are DONE

It has been two months since i got them and i must say that i will NEVER get them again. my edges are DONE. i mean, i almost feel like crying because the braids have taken them almost completly out. i may start to take them out this week and just wear my hair out for like two weeks til i can afford to do my own braids. yea i will be doing my own braids. economically i just cant afford to have it professionally done. i am thinking of just putting kinky twists in it and making them crikly. before i do though my hair NEEDS MAJOR TLC. lol. i'm thinking of doing a henna treatment before my next bout with braids. its spring though and i would love to be able to wear a afro type weave. hmmmm....i have never done my own weave before. im sure i could. so my next style options are
1. kinky twists
2. curly weave
im sad because i havnt been able to pay my cell phone bill and therefore i cant take pics or upload them to the net. aint that some crap?? lol.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


was better then yesturday. i just dont feel like thinking about anything. i dont feel like writting about it, or talking about it. i just dont. so sleepy. i dont sleep or eat. it will get better, it will get better!!

For like 2 Weeks I Was Actually HAPPY!

i actually was. I was reading my bible, praying, and devin and i relationship was going really well. i actually felt like i was beginning to stand up. Like i was ADVANCING towards my goals. of getting family, reinstatment, and marrying devin. Then all this happened. and now i feel smooshed back down into the earth. i wish i could see past this. i wish i could see past what i want, and rely a lil more then i am emotionally on jehovah. i wish i could make a decision and be happy with it. i wish i could just be happy for a lil while longer, just to taste it good. i was excited and moving forward, now im right back to struggling again, to FIGHTING with some sadness, or desire. and not feeling peacful. ALL my life i have felt that i couldnt really attain a close relationship with jehovah. because i was always fighting against some wrong desire and giving in. satan is REAL, and he ATTACKS you. i feel him creeping up my spine NOW.

Monday, April 20, 2009

ok this is how it went/ my decision

i feel a little betrayed by him. i mean, i know that he only wantst o do things right and god's way, but for our ENTIRE relationship i have been saying how i was going to get married and reinstated so that i can have him and my family. he NEVER cared. He NEVER expressed to me that our being unevenly yoked meant so much to him. until like 2 days ago, did he even start talking about spirituality. so i am a lil taken a back by his decision to not marry unless we are of the same religion. it FEELS like a betrayal. and im sad because i felt like i could really be happy for once in my life and now i cant have that. so i told him that if he cant marry me unless we are the same religion, i cant leave my religion. He says that if it's in the bible and its whats RIGHT then thats what we should do. he says why enter into a marriage wrong? my argument was that god will still bless our union BECAUSE we are MARRIED. and that we can be blessed as individuals. but he said that when u are married, ur no longer a individual. true. Deciding to break up with him today was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i cried so hard. BUT THEN, i called Ms. Paula and she said for the three of us to talk and study the bible together. i have been soooo sad all day. i havnt felt like this in so long. since Jeremiah. he was my first love when i was 19. boy, he broke the hell outta my heart. i know devin isnt breaking ,y heart in a bad way, but there are other things going on that contribute to how i feel, that cause me to feel this way. right now, im just listening to some ollllld soul music, and being sleepy. Soul music is so comforting. i have so many questions, there are so many variables, so much to think about. i dont even know where to begin. i have been praying all day. crying all day. i dont even feel like crying anymore. i just wanna sit and not think about this.

I'v Reached A Decision

Now pray for me that i go through with it. i have knots in my stomach because i am going to tell devin today. THIS MORNING. i'll let u know my decision and how things turned out later.

My New Favorite THing To Do

Is read, write, and rent movies from the RED BOX at Mcdonalds and watch movies. I just love it. I mean, i had been trying for a while to find something to do with no money (hardly) and no gas. But it is just wonderful to be able to spend the weekend watching movies for a dollar each. lol. i want to watch all the movies in the thing. lol.
THis weekend was pretty good. i spent it doing just that. reading, writting, and watching movies. on Friday we went to Devin's parents house and had dinner. that was fun. on saturday my dad came and got poots and took her for the night. so we went to the redbox and got movies, then ordered pizza and they got Wine Coolers. it was a fun cheap weekend. Then Sunday i went to the hall and Devin and i watched SLUMDOG MILLIANAIRE. Ehh..it won like 8 academy awards but i wasnt all THAT thrilled with it. i thought it was going to be GREAT. U know, with all the awards and all, but it just wasnt to me. THe only thing i felt after watching it was a desire to go and read up on Indian culture. I love the dress there and indian women are BEAUTIFULL!! Poots was happy at the end to dance to the indian music. especially that JAI HO song. lol. she looked soooo funny. I like to see her dance
Speaking of poots. i was watching her sleep tonight. and she was laying there so peaceful, and quiet and beautiful. i welled up with tears. and i thought..How could anyone see thier child and be sooo much in love and feel that there is no god, and this all got here by chance, OR KNOW that there is a god and not try to do everything in your power to thank god and praise him for giving me such a wonderful gift. At one time in my life i had a CRAZY thought. i thought , well how can there be a god? if the theory is that EVERYTHING has a creator, and nothing can come from nothing, yet god has come from nothing, because it is known that he has no beginning and no end and he has not creator. i sat and THOUGHT TOO HARD. Have u ever had a CRAZY thought? And wonder WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING???? I mean, OF COURSE the CONCEPT of god having no beginning and no end is going to baffle to me, because EVERYTHING i have EVER known and on this earth has had a beginning. so i will NOT be able to understand that god has no begining and no end. but that doesnt mean he doesnt exist. i just means, it is beyond my mental capabilities to understand.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

my spiritual weekend progress/ the hardest decision of my life

Its saturday and I said I would post a update. Well needless to say I havnt spend my weekend in silence. Lol. That was a bit much to expect. The pain n my chest did go away though. Yesturday we went over devins parents house to have dinner. And we were talking about how we moved our wedding date up so that I can do things the right way and have jehovah look down at me and my family with favor. Well, they emphasised what I already knew and had been battlinging with inside for quit some time now. That is: devin and I can't get married and carry on a happyy. Progressive marriage that pleases god and will get his blessings if we are not of the same religion and on the same chord. It will cause disorder, tension, and diunity in our union. He will not look with favor on our union because the says for a couplle to not be unevenly yoked. And I have always known this. But I tried to find a loop hole and justify me doing things MY way and not gods way. Its the hardest decision I have ever had to make because I was born and raised as one of jehovahs witnesses. And my ENTIRE family is of that religion. And as long as I am unmarried and living n sin I can't get reinstated. And my family will continue to not deal with me. I am hurrying my marriage so that I can make jehovah happy and discontinue living n sin, and get my family back. Devin was raised a non denominal chtional christian. And our difference in religion has never posed a problem to us personally. Meaning we don't sit and argue about religious differences and bash each others beliefs. But we BOTH KNOW that we serve the same god and we BOTH KNOW this god will not be pleased with or bless our union if we are unevenly yoked. If we are trying to get to him by walking two different paths. So I don't know if I should leave him and become a witness again and have my family, or if I should stay with him and become non denominational but never have my family again. I feel I live happily with without either one of them. My family or him. If I become a witness and have my family I won't have devin. If I become non denominational and have devin I won't have my family and I want both. And the only way I can have both is if I do things displeasing to god, which would be us having two different religions and being unevenly yoked. I just don't know what to do. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make and it ain't like I can take my time in making it. Because we can't keep being wrong. Dang man! Now my chest hurt again.
I got up this morning and prayed about it and read my bible. I cried a lil. I know jehovah will guide me. I just hope he gives me the stregth and wisdom to endure whatever decision and direction he points me in.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I am spending this weekend in SILENCE: 4/16 7a-4/19 12a

I have a pain in my chest that is stressed induced. This ONE particular area ONLY hurts when i am stressed out. So i have decided to pamper myself as it will. i will be spending this ENTIRE weekend in COMPLETE silence. it is what i will call a speach detox. for what reasons?:
1.PHYSICAL:so that my chest will feel better. talking a lot of times leads to annoying conversation and behavior which will lead to my chest continuing to tighten and feel worse
2.i am working on not cursing and speaking hurtful things. so this weekeend will jump start that
3.SPIRITUAL: i will engolf myself in intense bible reading and study sessions.
4. i just dont like the way my family communicates and as a way of mending myself and healing myself i will stay to myself this weekend. well, just me and jehovah.

at any rate i look forward to my weekend being full of all spiritual activity:
DURING THE DAY: -speach silence
-time with poots
EVENING : (after poots is sleep)
NIGHT: -bible reading

wish me the best! i will post my progress

Thursday, April 16, 2009


will TRY u. They will try to get the best of u and challenge u. They will annoy, be heartless, bull headed, stubborn, close minded, cruel, thinking they know everything. People can literally make you forget who you are and what u are striving for. THey do things to dissapoint u, and make u wonder y. the relationship u have with PEOPLE will even challenge your relationship with god, making u do, be, and say things displeasing to him. making u depressed. all that bull. there is a place for everyone. i think that i want to get to a point where the only person that can bother me and put me in a bad mood is Poots. or the only thing that bothers me or puts me in a bad mood is if i have dont something displeasing to god. because those two entities are all that matter to me. Because if u allow what people do or say to dictate how u feel inside u will NEVER be happy. u will ALWAYS be dissapointed or angry inside.
i guess too, that it depends on the type of people u are around. if u are around spiritual like minded people then they will build u up. i wish devin and kieth were spiritual. i have instituted a new rule in the house of no cursing. and especially when we are talking to one another we will respect one another, not curse at one another, or cut each other off. well, kieth doesnt seem to UNDESTAND where HE falls into these categories. talking to him is like talking to a...a...i dont even KNOW. but he is a know-it-all, that knows NOTHING! and when u try to talk to him, its just sooo difficult. i cant even describe it. we were talking tonight and the whole convo got on my nerves. it was like walking on a treadmill, where u walk and walk , and walk but u get no where. and my spirit was just soooooo at unrest when i got off the phone i just couldnt take it. i thin about alll day today. interactions that i have had with devin and others and how they have effected me. i cried today, i didnt even pray. mmmmm. i just am beginning to feel that people arent worth it. i get more grief from, my mom, devin, and kieth, it makes me gag. and whats sad is that i am the one sad and crying and upset, and they have gone on bout thier day and not giving a fuck abot me and how they have talked to me, annoyed me, not seen things from my perspective. but its not just family i am fed up with. its people in general. they are sick, and heratless, and i cant take being around them. i cant take allowing them to control how i feel and making me feel bad. when devin is being annoying, when kieth is being condenscending and overly sensitive, when my mom is yelling at me, and THEY ALL NEVER think its them, i will not fret. lol. ill draw my strength from god and stay calm, stay at peace. because they cant give me life or take it from me. they dont have the power jehovah does. lol. they dont deserve what jehovah does.
today was a eventful day. i got paid. blah. thats how i feel about that. i dont have money to get my oild changed. and now my check engine light is on. i will ask my mom if she can pay for me to get one. i'll try to find some money from somewhere. maybe devin's parents. idk. i prayed b4 i got paid that i not feel sad about my check, and not worry about things. so i did what i had to do and kept moving. i bought filling foods from the grocery store to last us. i just dont feel sad about it. my only worry now is that i can find some money to get a oil change. i really dont want my car to break.
i have been thinking about my decisions with money. and how bad they have been. when we got our taxes i should have paid off the car, and paid for school. but i didnt. i have nothing to show for it. i could have paid for school and the car and not be struggling right now. but i blew it all. such a dumb decision. i will be better next time. i will make better decisions. but now i just peace of mind in dealing with the consequenses of my bad decisions. something inside of me ALMOST wants to get depressed about it all. but i did it to myself. and there is no need in crying over spilled milk. so from now on, it is all about holding my head up, and dealing wisly with the results of the bad desicions i have made. u live and u learn

i just believ

That jehovah sees everything that I am going through right now. He will deliver me from this. Besides nothing bad lasts forever, right? At some point through something, it all has to stop, right. This is insane. This too shall pass. You know how I know that it is my lack of spirituality? Because for as long as I have been neglecting myself spiritually, things have been terrible. Mmmm and things are terrible now, my out look is just different.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My Financial Woes

i need to just calm down. pray and keep my mouth closed until this feeling passes by me. i am thinking about our current financial situation. i need to keep in prayer and upliftment because i see myself wanting to deteriorate. i know i was wrong for barrowing so much money from sam, but i am tired of living check to check, not having ANY money to do ANYTHING with. i could have a should have used that money wiser. i apologize. i will admitt this to him, when i get in the house. but at the same time, i feel as though he could be doing SOOOO much more to find a job. His parents got him a bus pass this past week to look for a job....he didnt use it once. i am holding down this house by MYSELF. ALONE. WHY? I know god sees me, i know he hears me, and will deliver me from this. i know he will make my way. i just need to calm down, and meditate on better days. i get down on myself, about moneys, when i think of akira. i think about how this week, i will not be able to get food for the house, more then likely. what if she were older and not stuff bf'ing. how would i feed her? how would I her MOTHER FEED her?? im not talking about her grandparents, or other people. HOW WOULD I MAKE IT, INDEPENDENTLY? i think about when devin did have a job, all he paid for was his half of the rent and his half of the gas and electric. EXACTLY, nothing more, nothing less. no food help, no gas help, no baby stuff help. and while he paid his half of his stuff FAITHFULLY, why was it like THAT? and when i didnt have money or whatever, i was getting a lecture. and even now in a our current situation, i get lectures, even thought im the only one holding down our house. i spent money wrong this time, but i wanted to. a little lead way.

What I Do Spiritually/ Keeping Myself Centered

1.read my bible daily
2.pray on a regular basis daily
3.read spiritual literature
4.listen to positive music
5.write on a regular basis
6.attend my meetings

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I would feel

so much better as a persona if i could just be consecutive with my spirituality and start school. i would really feel like i am about SOMETHING. that would be my first step in really feeling accomplished. so for this month i have set 5 small goals:

far as school is concerned, it ONLY cost 500.00 to START. if i could just get STARTED i would feel so much better.

THis Weekend

was productive. Saturday i cleaned the house. but i was unable to finnish. today my back hurt sooo bad as a result of cleaning all day. when i go home in the am i will finnish up. i reading about how cleanliness is next to godliness, and keeping your physical space clean and free of clutter allows for god's spirit and good energies to flow through ur living quarters. i could only imagin how much more so that would be benficial mentally. to clear out all the mental junk through prayer and physically detoxing the body to clean it out and allow god's spirit to move through it. im on my journey all. i feel myself making it better. last week , there was a book that i saw i wanted, and ms. paula bought it for me!! i cant believe it. this is the first gift she has ever bought for me. i almost cried. its a study aid. on helping to read the bible in a year. i was so proud of devin that he attended passover with me thispast week. he is growing so well and i so happy to be a part of his life. watching him open his mind. i see so much improvments in him. i know god will make us both better people. our family will benefit.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

how does self control hightened spirituality

I think about things that can be done to bring humans closer to god. I believe: 1. Self control 2. Observing nature 3. Prayer. And. Under these three things I think about self control the most. There are many things humans do that require self control to iether PLEASE god, or bring u CLOSER to him. For instance fasting and detoxing . I could imagin this being a wonderful to in bring u closer to god. When u fast that requires control, and detoxing cleanses ur body. Cleanliness is next to godliness, so why wouldn't fasting and detoxing bring u closer to him. Also the strength and prayer required to succeed in these things could not be of ur own. U would have to pray, meditate and read ur bible more.

so happy its the weekend

So its saturday morning and I am sooo happy that its the weekend. Poots and I have been woke since about 6:30 or 7. U know what I wonder? Y do children wake up so early? Seems like all the children i'v ever known, wake up made early. Sam has been here for the past week. She's been fun for me. But I don't think she has liked her stay because of kietth. He is sooooo emotional, and gets mad over every lil thing, and he isn't making her stay very enjoyable. That's sad. I really hopped it would work out, but they are too different.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

THE PASSOVER: memorial of the death of jesus christ

Today is the passover, and observance of the death of Jesus Christ. Today i read the bible. Particularly the events leading directly up to his death. it was so powerful. i mean, in it, it said that when Jesus died, Jehovah caused a earth quake, and darkness over cast the land. mmmmm. i was thining of how that must have really hurt Jehovah's heart. More hurt then anything i have ever felt. i mean, the fact that him and jesus had been together for ALL of ETERNITY, before ANYTHING was EVER created, is awe inspiring. Then they CREATED EVERYTHING that exists TOGETHER, must have created a irrefutable bond. Jusus was dead for three days. and although Jehovah KNEW he was going to resurrect him, and he had the power to, it didnt matter. his SON, his fisrt creation was in a DEAD state. i thought about that sacrifice. and how he WILLINGLY did that for US. for a bunch of humans, who deny him, who say he is evil, and say he is not there. i cant say that i would want to give the life of my daughter for people like that. mmmmm, NO i WOULD NOT. But jehovah did. his gift to us (his son's life) is the most important, and dear gift ever given in the history of the world. i prayed today that realizing all this, and observing the passover would move my heart to want to do more for jehovah. i prayed that it was cause me to want to be more spiritual and serve him better and faithfully. i prayed hard.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Power of Prayer and Spirituality

i have prayed tonight. i hadnt in a REALLY long time. i havnt been to the hall in a few weeks and i hate that! i prayed for spiritual direction and consistancy. not so much direction, as i know what religion i am and want to follow. but more so for consistancy. so tha i can have the benefits of having a close relationship with god. not the PHYSICAL benefits such as blessing and the such, but the benefit of knowing that i am doing what god want me to do. i want that benefit. i prayed for peace. for my mind and heart to be settled. but attending the meetings on a regular basis and getting back into the swing of things, is admittedly the most difficult thing i have EVER done. i cant not believe that going to the hall on my own, on a regular basis is this difficult for me. is it supposed to be? but its like, once i get up and get there i am ok, but its just that ...GETTING UP TO GET THERE! so i pray. i pray for strength on the matter, i pray for consistancy and that i reach my goal of being reinstated and more spiritual women. for the benefit of me. i pray for my daughter

HAIR: styles i want

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Poots: she Calls me "Baby"

lmaooooo. it is soooo funny and cute. i TRY to give her to drink from her bottle or sippie cup more often lately. well, she aint goin for it. lol. she tell me "noooo, baby, nooooo." and i say "im not the baby , you are." but i think it is sooo adorable that she calls me that. she'll stand next to me tapping me "babyyyyyy, babbbbby??" "hmm?" she wave hi to me sayin "baby!" lmaoooo. OMG!! i love her spirit. i love how innocent her intentions and behavior are. i dont mind her calling me baby. i'll be her baby. its endearing. lol i dont know another baby that calls thier mom "baby!" I LOVE being her baby.
oooo and today we passed by the park i took her to for the first time ever. it brought back great memories. even though that day was kindda rainy, she was sooooooooooooooo happy in that swing. lmaooo. i'll never forget the way she was screaming and laughing. lmaooo
and on top of that. this weekend, i went to see my cousin. and she has a daughter named Kirsten. and Kirsten is 5. and she LOOOOVES babies. lmaoooo. it was soooo funny watching them play together. Kirsten kept picking her up and ppoots was just lauuuughing and rolling all over the floor and chasing her. (i have tears in my eyes as i type) because she is so happy. she is full of so much joy. and watching her grow and interact with other children, is a warm feeling, it elates me. she kept chasing Kirsten . They would fall and ROLLLLL for a real long dramatic time like they were rolling DOWN HILL, but it was only on the flate living room floor. i mean i think Kirsten was the best thing to happen to Poots since me and devin. lol. im gonna let them play together more often. they had barbies n stuff. and poots didnt eat the dolls hair , she PLAYED with her. FINALLY, she PLAYED with a toy. and was sharing and stuff. lmaoooooo. usually she dont play with nothing but clothse tags, and wipes and real "off the wall" type stuff. or our cell phones and keys. but when i buy her her OWN toy keys and cell phones she dont want no parts of that either. lmaooo. but she played with barbie this time. but u know what, more i think of it. i had gotten a happy meal some months back and it came with a little barbie. and ALL she did was eat her hair and NOT NOT NOT put her down. i mean she woould literally fall asleep and wake up with her in her hand, crawl, eat, sit, watch tv EVERYTHING with this lil barbie in her hand. so i think im going to buy her a barbie this week some time. she's such a big girl now.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

so the weekend done came and gone

I can't believe it. I really be dreading work. Lol. But who doesn't these days? I want a job that I looooove. I want to wake up and look forward to work. Mmmmm
I also want to think of some coooool shit to write about. Like some real intelectual shit. Lmaoooo