Last Night When I Went Outside

to go to work, i went to start the rental and it would not start. i am pretty sure it is just a problem with the battery. at any rate, i called mommy and for some reason she was surprisingly CRANKY and NASTY. i mean, to the point where i feel like i dont even want to call her for help this morning. i will try my best not to . First i will call Enterprise to see whats up and if they can send a specialist out to give me a jump. And if not i will just wait til tomorrow to call AAA and use 35.00 to get them to come out for a jump. Dumb ass shit. I am determined to handle this myself. i mean, its almost like, she feels as though she can talk to me any way she likes because i am disfellowshipped. and i told her the other day "it's NEVER YOU is it? You are always the picture of perfection arent you?" i mean really, she comes off like she NEVER raises her voice, or is wrong. and she treats me like because i am the one disfellowshipped, IT IS ALL ME! like because of her spiritual stance and mine, she is NATURALLY calmer and more holy. shit really pisses me off. and there are time she even comes off like i dont love Akira as much as loved/ loves me because i am not making my meeting on the regular and am not reinstated yet. . i really believe she is the reason y i have sooo many trust issues. because all my life i was raised to distrust and look at with the "side eye" ANYONE who isnt JW. Cant wait for this weekend. but i really feel i dont feel like being bothered with her anymore. she has said some hurtful things to me. and just because i am disfellowshipped doesnt mean i deserve it or that i ........i dont know, its hard to explain.