Saturday, April 18, 2009

my spiritual weekend progress/ the hardest decision of my life

Its saturday and I said I would post a update. Well needless to say I havnt spend my weekend in silence. Lol. That was a bit much to expect. The pain n my chest did go away though. Yesturday we went over devins parents house to have dinner. And we were talking about how we moved our wedding date up so that I can do things the right way and have jehovah look down at me and my family with favor. Well, they emphasised what I already knew and had been battlinging with inside for quit some time now. That is: devin and I can't get married and carry on a happyy. Progressive marriage that pleases god and will get his blessings if we are not of the same religion and on the same chord. It will cause disorder, tension, and diunity in our union. He will not look with favor on our union because the says for a couplle to not be unevenly yoked. And I have always known this. But I tried to find a loop hole and justify me doing things MY way and not gods way. Its the hardest decision I have ever had to make because I was born and raised as one of jehovahs witnesses. And my ENTIRE family is of that religion. And as long as I am unmarried and living n sin I can't get reinstated. And my family will continue to not deal with me. I am hurrying my marriage so that I can make jehovah happy and discontinue living n sin, and get my family back. Devin was raised a non denominal chtional christian. And our difference in religion has never posed a problem to us personally. Meaning we don't sit and argue about religious differences and bash each others beliefs. But we BOTH KNOW that we serve the same god and we BOTH KNOW this god will not be pleased with or bless our union if we are unevenly yoked. If we are trying to get to him by walking two different paths. So I don't know if I should leave him and become a witness again and have my family, or if I should stay with him and become non denominational but never have my family again. I feel I live happily with without either one of them. My family or him. If I become a witness and have my family I won't have devin. If I become non denominational and have devin I won't have my family and I want both. And the only way I can have both is if I do things displeasing to god, which would be us having two different religions and being unevenly yoked. I just don't know what to do. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make and it ain't like I can take my time in making it. Because we can't keep being wrong. Dang man! Now my chest hurt again.
I got up this morning and prayed about it and read my bible. I cried a lil. I know jehovah will guide me. I just hope he gives me the stregth and wisdom to endure whatever decision and direction he points me in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate to your dilemma. It isn't easy making such an important decision. However, I will say you are definitely doing the right thing by praying to Jehovah. It's obvious that your upbringing has helped you to at least pray to Jehovah. You have to do what is right according to what you believe. I read a quote someplace and it said, 'you can not understand if you don't believe.' If you truly believe in what the Bible teaches, you wouldn't be wavering back and forth. I believe Jehovah will guide you no matter what because he understands what you are going through. He forgives more than 77 times. Right? You have to make an honest assessment and determine what is more important to you; relationship with Jehovah, relationship with Devin or a relationship with your family.