For like 2 Weeks I Was Actually HAPPY!

i actually was. I was reading my bible, praying, and devin and i relationship was going really well. i actually felt like i was beginning to stand up. Like i was ADVANCING towards my goals. of getting family, reinstatment, and marrying devin. Then all this happened. and now i feel smooshed back down into the earth. i wish i could see past this. i wish i could see past what i want, and rely a lil more then i am emotionally on jehovah. i wish i could make a decision and be happy with it. i wish i could just be happy for a lil while longer, just to taste it good. i was excited and moving forward, now im right back to struggling again, to FIGHTING with some sadness, or desire. and not feeling peacful. ALL my life i have felt that i couldnt really attain a close relationship with jehovah. because i was always fighting against some wrong desire and giving in. satan is REAL, and he ATTACKS you. i feel him creeping up my spine NOW.