its 3:13 am and i am trying

to do every and anything possible to stay awake while at work. it is getting hard. working this night shift and not getting much sleep during the day. i went to sleep late yesturday when i ot off. not tim like 1 something, well anyway poots woke up arounf 4 and wanted to play so i had to entertain her. lol. besided when i tried to ignor her her kicks and grabbing my arm kept me awake. lol. i just got up. i called that damn Mcdonalds to see if i can start there again. i want to take a couple courses on line and i dont want to have to wait til income tax time. so... plus, we need flippin gas money. i am tired of running low on gas in the second week and having to as for some. devin is off on fridays and sundays. mom said she'd watch poots while devin and i work on saturdays. i know for damn sure i dont want to go back. but i need this. its only temporary. i have to keep telling myself. that my ultimate goal is to finnish school so that i can make enough money so i dont have to work full time or more then one job and i can spend more time with poots. she's my motivation and my first priority. lol. i work enough to support us but be able to spend the mojority of my time teaching her. i pray my milk doesnt dry up. it will only be on the weekends though. and i'll nurse her all the time that i am off. i will only be able to pump while on my 1/2 hour break from that place. the one thing i am glad about is this will allow poots and devin to spend more time together. i want them to be closer then what they are. its like his motivation for her has dwindled. when she was first born he was all up in my ass helping me. now i get a fight if i want her diaper changed or him to change her onsie. its annoying. i feel like if you are not working with me then you are working against me. and i aint got time