today

was a busy day. i have been soooo tired. i hope i am not pregnant again. GOD FORBID if i am. i dont think so, but....i'll be taking a test tomorrow. poots has been extra fussy these past couple of days since she got her shots. i'm sure its just a side effect. i can still feel the knot on her thighs. poor thing. lol. i'm used to the only time her getting fussy is when she's sleepy. she's always in such a good mood otherwise. i'm sure it will pass. but u know what? no matter what she cries when we go over devin's mother's house. lol. IDK why. it's wierd. her senses and her radar are so incredibly tuned to people and things. i belive babies have such a better sense of knowing and expressing people's true identities, and character it's uncanny. they are pure and nothing had yet to dule that sharp sense they have. lol. we have been so busy these past few days she prolly hasnt had a chance to adjust herself since she got her shots. we'll do something tomorrow ot calm down. maybe we'll take a nice hot bath with lavender and chamomile in it and then go to the park and watch the stream go, walk in the grass. lol. thats always fun. she'll like that. that should put things back on track. mmm.. while i was with my mom we drove past a really cool backyard and in this backyard the family had a HUGE playground for thier children to play in. i would love to get poots that. she needs and deserves that. but i am afraid. afraid because mother fuckers are crazy. its not like i could let her go out there and watch her from in the house and have peace of mind. noooooo...the constant thought of someone staeling my child would run through my mind. its a shame children cant be children. and play and run in peace w/o someone trying to ruin that. i want to take her somewhere far away where she can have a backyard and a playground and i dont have to worry about her. humph that sort of place doesnt exist on earth. my mom said a lady left her daughter outside for second while she went to answer the phone and just as soon as she turned around her daughter was gone! someone had reached in JUST THAT DAMN fast and took her baby. OH!!! i cant imagin the hurt in her heart. there was a amber alert just recently for a beautiful little red head girl. that must be one sick, sick feeling not having ur baby and thinking she is somewhere hurt. i pray for her and her mom.