this is going to sound so crazy, so random and rediculous:
the news is on: oh God! So SAD! why?! a father ad son die in a car accident while mother was driving. I'm so tired of bad news. the baby was only 2 mos. i bet people will blame god for this. saying that he NEEDED two new angels. he wouldnt do that. TAKE life, when he is the source of giving life. i dont believe it. Not for one minute. i pray for her.
hmmmm, why he gotta be so stupid?! i found out of state phone numbers . i ask him abut it, and he says "i dont see it as a big deal. i mean, whats wrong with friends? i think it's insecurity when a male or a female cant have friends of the opposite sex" god i wanna smack him. how could he feel this way. no, he has never cheated. but y put urself in compromising situations and then get mad when i'm mad YOU HAVE NUMBERS INMY HOUSE! y make me feel bad, and like i am insecure because i dont want my boyfriend talking to other women on the phone!!! GOD how long am i going to be able to take this relationship? why does he have to feel this way? he says "you only feel like u dont want me to have friedns because u think i will cheat on u. i would never cheat on u." so if i feel insecure, y not RESPECT THAT. maybe i am crazy for feeling this way, maybe i am wrong.maybe i am wrong. but respect that and be undersyanding and sensitive to that. not only that but EVERY upstanding,and respectable relationship that i have ever observed dont have a lot of NEW friends from the opposite sex. so i told him "oh thats what u want to do? fine. u have ur friends and i'll have mine." but really i was just saying that. i gave thiught to acquiring my friends and doing that. but it goes against everything that i believe and have been taught about in relationships. y cant he feel like a mature person would feel. like he wouldnt DARE want his women to be talking to other men, even if they are "just friends". i feel like hes only doing htis just so he can be an ass and force me into not caring. he turns it around to my fault and brings up my jealous tendensies. i'm jealous because u give me REASON to be. ie:talking to bitches, and getting phone numbers. to me that is danerous behavior. i wanted to do it and really i felt i would just find some fun male friends to hang with. but like i said earlier it goes against who i am. what i feel is sacred and i will not turn into someone i am not just to get at him, or be a ass like him. i'll pray about it.
i keep sugar coating shit from him and making excuses and the biggest is that i love him, and he loves me and we wouldnt cheat, but there are things about him that i wonder if i can deal with. what keeps ne is that he can be sooo sweet, kind hearted, and self sacrificing. but then he will turn around and i will think u r evil. i dont want my child around u. i dont like u. and he'll talk to ome saying "y cant u just respect how i am. the fact that i am different. i feel and think differently then most people." no, when u feel and think differently then ALL PEOPLE mother fucker there is something WRONG WITH YOU! and i cant wrape my mind and heart around excusing it. i wish poots didnt have to be around him during these critical first years of her life.
my neck hurts.
i hope poots is okay and not crying. i had to leave her home tonight because my boss was comming to work. i hope she didnt cry. i hope they get here soon.
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