"The Skin I'm In''

This book is amazing. One of the best reads I have experienced in a while. I am almost at a loss for words to describe how i feel after completeing. I guess, i will first begin by saying WOW! WOW! WOW! Every women, not just every black women, but every women needs to read this book. I have been compiling a list of books I would like to read with Akira as she gets older. So far i have:
"The Vagina Monoluges" -Eve Ensler
"Assata"-Assata Shakur and Angela Davis
and this book most of all "The Skin I'm In"- Sharon G. Flake
"No Disrespect"- Sista Soulja
This book is one of the best. It's about a young dark skinned African American girl. She is in middle school (the hardest years for many young people). She battles with finding herself. Finding her beauty, and finding her independence. Her name is Maleeka Madison. She goes through the typical adolescent fears- of social acceptance, peer intimidation, and self image. It just brought back so memroies of my middle school years and thehurt that i experienced. My mother was teased a lot and hurt as a child. As a result in her adult life she walks with her head held high with more self confidence then a little bit. She always told me to do the same. She always would get angry in my deffence when i came home from school telling her stories of how mean children were to me. But she never TOLD me I was beautiful. she never TOLD me that my lips and my breast were BIG and BEAUTIFUL. I guess i was just supposed to believe it. I remember crying in department stores because i could NEVER find the proper bra to fit my breast, and she didnt want any attaention drawn to them, so she bought me bras that didnt didnt fit me properly and hold my breast up the way they were SUPPOSED to be. As a result i felt there was something wrong with how i was built. in my religion i felt wrong for having the body i did. My confidence was too low. It still is. I still have not come into a full acceptance of how i look. My skin is terrible and always has been. Probably always will be. Devin says things without thinking that hurt me. Like not to long ago i showed in apicture of myself that i had taken a while back and i was wearing, makeup and my hair was stright. He said to me ".....something...something...and your skin loks alot better, you dont have all those marks, and bumps and shit on your face." I felt crushed. Of course i could never tell him this, because then it would be that her never said it, or it was something different then what he really said. I hate always feeling i am not pretty. Like there is something wrong with MY hair, MY skin, MY body. You now what?? All of that changes. TODAY!!! I am beautiful, because I AM ME! For my sake and for my daughters sake. I have to lead her and teach her by example. I want her to know that she is beutiful. In order for her to know that i have to know that about myself, and by example teach to feel beautiful no matter what anyone says. I reemeber i CRIED so hard in school when this guy teased my about having big lips. I cried because i didnt believe my lips were beautiful. My hair doesnt have to be straight in order to be beautiful, it can be natural and HOW / WHO I AM. My skin doesnt have to be light, flawless, and makeup packed in order to me beautiful, it can natural and HOW/ WHO I AM. My body doesnt have to be tight, lifted, and small, it can be natural and HOW/ WHO I AM. My lips dont have to be small they can be large and HOW/ WHO I AM. I will teach Kira that she is beautiful. a beautiful golden princess. All her lips, hair, skin, breast, hips, tits and anything in between (belly button, vagina, ears, ect) are ALL BEAUTIFUL and the way god intended for them to be. Rather they be dark, light, or multi colored, small, medium, smedium ( yes that is intended) or large, rounded, pointy, full, tall, skinny , fat, juicy, long, short, nappy, culry, wavy, and BIG. IT IS HERS, and it IS BEAUTIFUL! It's not black, and ugly, it's GOLDEN and beautifully hers. It's not tall and goofy, it's STRONG and beautifully hers.

I was talking to Devin today and of course i was wrong for how i felt and he had an opposing view point to EVERYTHING i said, cause nothing was good enough. I was telling him about the book i was reading( The Skin I'm In) and about the plight the little girl is in with the dealing with the color of her skin. She is DARK skinned, BLUE-BLACK maybe. He went on to be the prick that he is and say that he dislikes dark skin and that dark skinned people are ugly. and that when he sees one he points to his friends and says stuff about them. I said that people are not pretty or ugly by the color of their of skin but by thier bone structure. Not even by that really ,because we all have different tastes in which bone structure is beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We shouldnt see a person and as soon as you see his/ her shade he/she is ugly or pretty. In my opinion, lets take Alicia Keys for instance, she has beautiful smooth butter scotch skin, but her skin TONE alone doesnt make her beautiful. I personally dont think her bone structure in her face is all that. People see her complexion, stop right there and, oh she is beautiful. Thats not how it should go. I was tellin Devin about popularity in school, and being teased. Of course he justified teasing people, because he was popular. And how he wants Kira to be popular and go to parties on school nights and not focuse on her school work during the week. Popularity has nothing to do with nothing. Maybe if he weren't so popular and worrying about teasing people he would be in a better job situation then what he is in now. He really has complexes that he neeeds to work through. And sometimes I wonder how i deal with him and how can i love his personality. MY PATIENCE is wearing thin. His thinking is so immature. He really angers me sometimes. My dad said that from here on out i might as well get used to being annoyed with him. Because we will never see eye to eye. I just hop eit changes as he grows up and matures. I just try not to talk to him much because the more i find out the more i dislike about him and know i should leave. I know i wrong for disliking a person for how he is, and instead of harboring this resentment i should just leave. ut just as i see all this bad horrible crap that i feel i cant deal with i see many wonderful qualities that i cant let go of. i know that i dont write about them as much but i notice them and they are there. I think i just need to work on not paying his asshole ways no mind and focusing on my baby girl. I have sooo much to instill on her and I. I have to instill it in myself in order to lead by example. i think that my leading/ living by example will be her biggest support and influence.
The little girl in the book, eventually stands up for herself to the bully. But only after the girl had influenced her and intimidated her into doing a bunch of crap she really didnt want to do. I dont desire Kira to be popular or unpopular, but if she is unpopular i want her to have the same REAL, INTERNAL strength and confidence those big mouth popular girls put on to have. It's not real, because if it were real they would hve to make other people feel bad , or tease them for how they are. (Kira: "Even if you dont feel a person is beautiful in your mind, NEVER, EVER make them feel bad or look down on them for how they were born. If you dont like thier personality, or how they are, simply stay away from them dont hate them. And stand firm in your beliefs. Listen and be able to RESPECT others, but dont change who you are for them."