I am so Nervous!!!

About being a mommy. Sooooo may concerns and fears are bottled up in my heart. Especially since i feel terribly alone. i feel alone because i dont have MY familia. Devin has his which will help him to raise this baby how THEY want it raised, but what about me. Certain things about the way him and his family are i dont want my child around. Certain prejudices, stereotyping, and other things that i dont want my baby to be COMPLLETLY exposed to. But how can i undo what they put in my child's head after every visitwhen it is JUST ME. I have no help, no mentors ( beside Chanel , but who can contact her, she has a life of her own), I dont even know how i feel aboutmost issues. I know i need to get back in the Kingdom Hall where i belong. That would probably help a lot. It's so hard to restart once u'v stopped, and being afraid of folks doesnt help niether. You know what?? NO! This is what i said i would not do. I said i would not be afraid of people because thats not how i want my baby to be! I want her to hold her head up high inspite of what people think or say. So, this Sunday i will march myself into that Hall and SIT. Back straight, head high, feet forward. I owe it to my child to raise him/ her serving the TRUE god. My child can make thier own mind up when the time is right about choosing his or her own religion, but at least they will know what i feel is the truth. and what Jehovah's Witnesses TEACH as a whole is the truth to me.