Just Writting

Tonight i dont feel so good. i am going to lay it all out and tell you all about it. today i got paid. but long story short i have NO money to get my hair done. and i guess im just tired of living like this. i feel terrible. and its not even because i couldnt get my hair done. but because i feel bad about myself and im too poor to be able to do anyhing about it. its 2009. ANYTHING you dont like about yourself is fixable. there is no reason t have low self esteem. but im too poor to take advantage of those beauty opportunities.that SUCKS. and when i CAN get my hair done i do it MYSELF. to save money. but thats still not good enough. devin still says i'm spoiled or i dont sacrifice. WHY?? because i want my fuckin hair done? cause i dont wanna look and feel bad? am i fuckin wrong for that?? plus my mom said something that got on my nerves real bad. its like because she knows i am having sex and im not married, she thinks im sluttin around. like i have ABSOLUTLEY no coof or morals. its like she just makes me out to be this disfellowshipped harlet that DOES EVERYTHING just because i think i CAN. she commented on the way i stand. saying that i stand real "stank" with my legs open and back. excuse the fuck outta me?? NO! i know how to fuckin STAND and SIT like a lady. i know how to conduct myself like a WOMEN. i dont nor WOULD i nor HAVE i FUCKED the world. i remember once she even said that i was fucking my friend larry, with NO proof. and i wasnt. we were just REAL cool , she said i prolly did it to the man who did my tattoos. she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fuckin JUDGEMENTAL!! they get on my damn nerves!!