and i am sooo excited. i am determined to document my feelings this week. of stress and excitment. mmmm...not a good emotional combination topped with sleeplessness. i feel like a tight bottle of shaken soda. so tense, and ready to pop. lol. once it is all over with i know i will feel better. but i have to contend with not having any money, not having any gas, having to wake up to take devin and pick him up from work, packing,finding boxes, cleaning, and getting this bitch ass situation with my car straightened out. now the insurance company is trying to say that my gear box not working is not due to the accident. it was FINE 10 minutes before it was hit when i parked the shit. i get so mad! this is suuuch a crooket world.
at any rate we have a lil over a half tank of gas and in the morning i need to find boxes from somewhere. i have decided to do this a lil at a time and move the bedroom set lastly.
so devin told me that his family thinks i always have my mouth in thier business. that somethings they discuss needs to be kept in the family and not discussed with me. i thought i was apart of the family at this point. it hurt my feelings. basically they say not to tell me anything because i am nosey. i am soooo hurt. he said that keith and felicia say that i am always in thier relationship. WHAT?! i never even call them, and whenever we talk it's because of them calling me.
i am just soooo tired of always being the bad guy with these people. so tired. i have decided that since i am not part of thier family and obviously i never will be i wont try to be a part of it any more. no more dinners, no more going over there. none of that. no phone calls. i will let them be with poots and thats it. im tired of trying with futile efforts to mesh with these folks and having my feelings stepped on. fuck it, im done