Thursday, December 18, 2008

Just Writting

WEll i am happy to report that we are all (but especially poots) FINALLY feeling better. i am unhappy to report however....that we are still not unpacked. and i am working the next like 10 days in a row. it sucks cause i get two-three hours of sleep a day. because i can only catch a wink when poots finally decides SHE wants to nap. so i load on coffee all night while at work. lmaoooo so all day she is hopping around, eattin stuff, ect. it aint so cute no more cause my ass is sleepy. but what do u do. speaking of her she has two little teeth comming in. THEY ARE SOOO CUTE!! they look like tic tacs. i wish i could kiss them. FINALLY they are here. i was beginning to wonder about that. i was thinking "mmm she's almost a year old and she still doesnt have any teeth or hair." but now look at her tic tacs comming through! i did love the gums though. and her breathe is always so fresh and sweet smelling. i'm going to miss that when she gets older and all the teeth start to come in. anyways, i worked out tonight. and let me tell u, i feel so good. i hit the shower when i was done and the whole experience was just GREAT. i would like to buy a tredmill for the home so i can run when i catch a minute. but i am going to start to work out now more often then not. no matter what, even if i'm sleepy. it just feels too good afterwards.

this weekend i have to work but i plan on getting my hair done and devin's grandma is having a party, so he wants to go there. whatev...long as i get my hair done i dont care what we do. lmaoooo.

i feel bad because not to long ago Aerica hit poots cause she was getting into something she aint have no business. i was there, but i didnt see poots getting into whatever it was she was doing. so me, aerica, devin and poots are all in the room together. poots gets into whatever and aerica hits her. well i always told myself and devin that i never wanted anyone eles hitting poots but us (devin and i). so i went and grabbed poots and devin said to me "if you dont want aerica hitting her just tell her." and i am soooo mad at myself because i didnt. i said nothing to her. and at that time my reasoning was because i just didnt feel like no drama, no hurt feelings, no misundestanding, ect ect that goes along with everytime i bring something to thier attention that bothers me. on top of that i aint feel like hearing aerica fuss. idk if she would have FOR SURE, but i didnt want to take that chance. because it has happened so many times in the past. so i have reason to feel y i do. but i am soooo angry with myself because i should have stood up to her regaurdless of rather or not i felt she was gonna fuss, get offended whatever. i should have done it for poots. i feel like crying because i didnt defend my child when i always said that i would. i let someone eles spank her and get away with it because i didnt want to offend her. well FUCK that, what about how SHE offended me?? so i know i still have work to do with myself. not feeling intimidated especially when it comes down to my child. there is no excuse for what i did. i feel terrible. but on top of all that i told devin how i felt and y i didnt say anything to aerica and i felt like he should have said something to her for me then. i mean it was a agreement that we BOTH made not to allow anyone eles to spank poots but us. so if i felt intimidated as a women, shouldnt he have stepped up and said something to aerica for BOTH me and poots and HIM??? y was it left in my hands?? mmmmmmm...


and my world just keeps spinning. like a tornado. spin, spin, spin

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