Havnt really

had much to write this week. thats not to say there hasnt been any drama (it wouldnt be MY LIFE if it werent any drama) but i have refrained from writting about it. it would just envoke too many angry feelings, and emotions im just not trying to revisit. as a matter of fact that is my goal. to let go of my angry feelings, and eliminate the drama out of my life. THIS ENTIRE blog had been one drama filled story afetr another and i am sooo flippin tired of it. so i havnt talked much to people. i have quite literally shut down emotionally. to the point where im not talking to any one. i am afraid to talk to anyone. because if i talk, i let them in, i become vonerable. there is a chance they can hurt me or i can hurt them. and that just starts drama. i dont talk to devin because whe i tell him how i feel or how he has hurt me, he doesnt adress the issue he just jumps to the defense or misundestanding me, or making me feel i dont have a reason to feel how i do. i have been talking for so long and being around people, and its ALWAYS nothing but drama. kieth decided he was gonna tell me about myself and pull my card on a few isses. and i'll admitt, it hurt comming from him, it hurt period because i felt he and his brother had me all wrong. so i just dont say anything to him or devin. i stay to myself. i cant wait for him to leave. i cant fuckin wait!! but i took what he said and i paid it some mind. i just thought maybe this is gods way of revealing some things about myself and my life i need to adjust and there was some truth to what he said. i just didnt feel people in glass houses should throw stones. he got on my nerves soooo bad this past week . him and devin. i have two people to deal with now. two mouths to hear, two opinions to hear. its annoying. i KNOW he said that stuff to darnell not JUST because he was defending his brother, but to get back at me. there was a hidge of malice for me in his sending darnell a message. and all he said is "you get mad at us for doing the same things you do." they completely miss my point. and all they say is "ur a hypocrit....blah , blah, blah" and get these ideas in thier mind that im this negative, nagging, drama filled, hypocrit ect ect ect.yes they TOLD me how they feel i am. they get on my fuckin nerves, and im tired of dealing with BOTH. i can deal with one, but not BOTH.
people in general get on my nerves and im not dealing with them ANY more. or at least not for a while. men, women, niether. i just want to spend this time, staying to myself and developing my relationship with jehovah. i pray more during my days now. i am still struggling with things. but i have been meditating also. meditating on my happiness. telling myself that i am happpy.