Wednesday, March 11, 2009

post pardum depression

i am looking forward to having fun this spring and summer. unlike last year. last year spring and summer was sooo hard. dealing with being a new mom and post pardum depression. mmmmm. i still am not COMPLETELY over it, but it is SOOOOO much better. a lot of women with post pardum hate their babies, and crazy shit like that. i never did that. my post pardum had to do with me. me feeling bad about how i looked, the type of women and mother i was. if anything she helped me through. but i cant wait for it to be over. i cant wait to feel like myself again. i wonder if my relationship has a lot to do with how i feel. really, i dont get much support. its like we argue all the time, and no matter how i feel i am wrong. sometimes i just want support but he tells me "you just want me to pat u on the back when you are wrong!!" damn. plus im sleepy all the time. it has to do with my depression. i hate it. its like i cant sleep enough. my post pardum thoughts are also bad. i think about EVERY man in poots life harming her. i run myself insane trying to be the only one that protects her. trusting only myself.
the only reason i go home is to be with poots. she is the only reason i pull myself through that door in the mornings. what can i do to make myself feel better. i always looked down on women who suffered with post pardum depression. thinking that they were selfishly not finding ALL thier joy in thier child. but now that i am going through it, i realize that is simply NOT true. not always does it have anything to do with the baby. a lot of times it can have to with having lack of support, a annoying husband that doesnt understand you, not having ur family, feeling bad about YOU, feeling incompitent. when will it go away.

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