this whole weekend the weahther here in baltimore was absolutly flawless!! as a matter of a fact i pulled out the old flip flops. which reminds me that it is DEFF time for a new cute pair. mmm. that should be fun. as a matter of fact i was in Rainbow and i saw a few REALLY cute outfits i would like to get for this spring and summer time.
you know what i have noticed? that in this blog i censor myself and dont write a lot of what i would like to because im afraid someone i know may read it and get offended. i dont know. iv been round n around with this before. but writting and blogging really is my therapy. whats the worst that could happen. if im writting about a persona that got on my nerves ...what? they not gonna like me no more? they done already got on my nerves so i aint too pressed. lmaooo but i am also afraid of being judged and hearing people's negative comments about MY life. so im thinking , if i don want a public opinion then maybe i shouldnt post in a public place? what you think? you know what?? FUCK It. im writting how i feel TODAY. i may not do it tomorrow, i may even take it down later, but right now today i an WRITTING for the rush i feel when my fingures feel like they cant hit the keys fast or hard enough. so here goes:
you wanna know what is sooooo annoying?? when people try to figure out my finances for me! well not PEOPLE...particularly the in laws. its like they just KNOW that devin and I have ALL THIS EXTRA money. They just KNOW thay devin and i miss payments on shit we are supposed to pay! they just KNOW we CAN afford the things THEY feel we should be able to. i mean, i am the ONLY person right now supporting a house of FOUR people ALONE!! and even befor then things were tight for us. but where the fuck do u get off telling devin what we need in our house and asking about what we spend OUR money on!!! muth a fucka if we dont have it , we dont have it. if you knw what we spned our money on, thats STILL not gonna magically make us have money!!! its not like devin and i EVER ask them for money!!! and if we ever did they wouldnt give it to us. they tighter then fish pussy. when thier son was locked up devin and i bailed him out of jail. for something he didnt do. and you know we got no THANK YOU, not a red cent in contribution...NOTHING. and that money was from our savings. kieth would still be locked up if it werent for us. speaking of kieth's ass...im ready for him to get the fuck outta my house. he has not made his stay peacable and he's not contributing to shit. get the fuck out nigga!! devin and i got into a argument today and he said some things that he has NEVER said before. and he said that being nice and sweet is a REAL struggle for him, so when he exploded today it was a BUILD UP of shit that he has been holding his tongue about for the past few weeks that he has been "nice". he says its a struggle for him because of the things he has been through in his childhood.i called off our wedding. because i dont want anyone to have to struggle to be nice to me. i dont know what will come of this. rather or not things will get back on track. but i really feel like idont want to be with him. i wan to be in LOOOOVE. i want that i cant live with out u type of love. i want that i'll give u the last of what i have type love. that i'll sacrifice my life for u type of love. we were watching a movie a few months ago, called crash and there was a scene in the movie where this couple was being frisked. well when the cop got to the guys wife, he was totally innapropriate. touching her sexually and what not. well in the movie he didnt stand up for her because he didnt want to got to jail. and i got mad. i asked devin if he would do that and he said said no. so like last week and asked the same question and he said "i dont know". YOU DONT KNOW??? whay dont you know??? i want someone who will die for me. someone who cant wait o give me kisses. someone who love my hair and thinks im beautiful no matter how i have my hair. i want someone who doesnt have to STRUGGLE to be nice to me. STRUGGLE??? dude? r u fuckin serious? what type of women am i that u have to STRUGGLE to be nice to me, cause honestly i dont think im THAT bad. i have to go. i cant write anymore.
i want someone who says to me "damn ki...i dont know..theres just SOMETHING about you.!"