Thursday, March 19, 2009

i am beginning to dislike people again...im mad...this is just how i feel

i mean, i remember shit being sooooo peaceful when i was alone. or when i just had ashley as my friend. now people mad at me for shit, its a bunch of "he said , she said" shit, and im bout ready to pull my hair out. although i dont have to , these days the stress is making it fall out on its own. things have been rocky between devin and i. i am tired of hearing kieths mouth. im tired of hearing my moms mouth. u know the other day, she LITERALLY said to me, that SHE CAN call ME, but i CANT call her. because im the disfellowshipped one. and if she does call me i should count it as a privledge. WHAT!!!???? i am soooo fuckin tired of people disrespecting and demeaning me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a friend that i thought i could talk to and be close with told me not to tell her my problems anymore because its too much for her to handle and she gets tired of hearing the same shit. ok, thats her right. but damn. i thought we was friends. i thought we could talk about shit and lean on each other. i guess shes not the person i can do that on. this shit with this OTHER girl got me fuckin blown. i DIDNT DO ANYTHING wrong!!!! i am just pissed off with people right now. i want kieth to get out, because he disturbs my peace. i want him and my friend to stop talking because she admitted that she puts him ahead of me. which is FINE, dont get me wrong. but i feel i should be able to get a LITTLE of your time. i mean, suppose u and him dont work?? then what? u gonna have time for me again? whattype shit is that?? you can come to me and tell me when u mad at him, but when shit is good i do\nt hear nothing from yo ass. oh yea...and DONT tell me SHIT ANYMORE, because if my drama is too much and u tired of hearing it, im tired of hearing YOURS TOO. maybe im dead ass wrong for how i feel. maybe i am being spoiled, but this is how i feel. i think it is when women shuve thier friends to the side for a dick. thats y men rule the fuckin world. because women dont support ONE ANOTHER!!! soon as some dick come along we acting dickmatized. and no it may not be ALL ABOUT the sex. but thats what it is, because men have dicks! if that wasnt the case, we would still be able to be friends and just as close as we always were. we act catty with one another. thats how come men are able to do the shit they do to us and get away with it. cause we act so fuckin weak for them, and weak in our defence of one another.
im mad at the fact that devin is trying to treat me nicer and better, but he still aint got no job. that shit makes me wanna be a bitch, but i cant cause he trynna be nice to me. and kieth can disturb my peace all in my house, and still aint got no job. im mad that i expected my friend NOT to go back and tell kieth ANYTHING, she did it ANYWAYS and devin tells me i dont have a right to be mad. and that i am a hypocrit, because we have always told one anothers business. THATS NOT THE POINT!! if i SPECIFICALLY ask u NOT to tell something, thats what i want! and i dont need him telling me im a a hypacrit. im mad that i did what i did and i talked to who i talked to. i stooped to his level. i prided myself on not being the fucked up on in our relaationship, but because i was being emotional i chatted on the net with him. i hate the fact that if i forgive something, i supposed act that that wrong never accured. i have a memory. i am just angry and pissed off. stressed out and i want this all to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE KIETH so that devin and i can focuse on our shit with out u adding ur drama shit. every time i turn around i gotta fuss with him AND devin bout some shit. this is how i feel. im mad that i cant talk to anyone. i have noone here to hang out with that supports me. im mad that my mom said what she said to me. and im mad my dad wont mind his business. i need to let this shit go. ALL of it. im not fuckin signing on to yahoo im NO MORE. im not talking to kieth NO MORE. i have nothing to say to him. i have nothing to say to kieth, sam, my mom, my dad, or devin. because if i tell him how i feel, he will do one of the 2 things : 1. get mad and annoyed 2. tell me, you dont want me to tell u, rather u right or wrong, u want me to pat u on ur back when u wrong. and im not doing that. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i want u to have my BACK LIKE I FUCKIN HAVE YOURSSSSSSSSSS! RATHER YOU RIGHT OR WRONNNNNNG!! YOU GOT KIETHS BACK LIKE THAT!! AND EVERYBODY DAMN ELES!! Y CANT U HAVE MINE LIKE THAT???
ASHLEY IS THE ONLY BITCH THAT GOT MY BACK LIKE THAT. I CAN ALWAYS RELY ON HER NOT TO TELL ME TO STOIP TELLING HER MY DRAMA CAUSE SHE TIRED OF HEARING IT, NOT TO GET MAD AT ME FOR HOW I FEEL, NOT BASH ME DOWN AND NOT HELP ME FEEL BETTER. i just wish she lived here. *smh*

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