Monday, November 23, 2009

With all the spiritual and psychological work I've been doing to get myself to a healthy place, I realize that expecting or demanding an apology for perceived wrongs is really a waste of time. Often times, if a person knows an apology is expected, they'll give it but it won't be sincere and they'll be sure to commit the offense again. Why? Because that person may not feel he/she did anything wrong in the first place. That person may not understand (or care about) why you are offended. He/she may think that you taking offense is silly or uncalled for. That person simply may not care. Period. Why expend energy expecting an apology? These days I'm much more inclined to process these things on my own, to recognize why I was hurt or offended and do things within my own power to avoid it happening again. This sometimes includes modifying my behavior with the offending person (e.g. not being as open or as friendly). It's always my hope that if someone sees they have hurt me that they will make an effort to make me feel better. But as always, how I feel and how I react, at the end of the day, is solely my responsibility.
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i love this women's blog. she always inspires me to think and WRITE. This paragraph hit me so hard because its obvious that through my life, i have always been the bullied. lol. what is it about certain people that they "give off" that says "ok, come fuck with me". lol. but aside from that. i often too, find myself wanting an apology, or feel like its SUPPOSED to happen that people dont hurt me. more often then not i feel "ok, they KNOW this fucked up, but just in case they dont i'll let them know" then when i find the person could give two shits less, im shocked and appauled. lmaoooo. i guess thats just because of how i am. how i was raised. i wasnt raised the way MOST kids r raised. i didnt even play with most kids comming up. lol. so imagin my surprise when i left my loving home and religious enviroment to be shuved in a world where the MAJORITY of people REALLY dont give a fuck about YOUR FEELINGS. Imagin my surprise when devin tells me he DOESNT have feelings, he doesnt feel about things that MOST people would. when i tell him my feelings r hurt about something his response is "most girls wouldnt give a fuck if i said that to them, they'd just cuss me out and let it roll off thier shoulders".
But i am getting to a point where i am getting stronger, tougher skin, in a world where people dont give a fuck about your feelings i find myself adapting more and more. and foing like the above writter wrote, changing MYSELF. not exspecting empathy or an apology or understanding from people. If it comes my way...THATS GREAT. but i no longer expect it, or am surprised when i dont recieve it. i want poots to be the same way. so much i dont want her to be like me. shy, timid and suceptible 2 people's bullshit. shes better then that. ALREADY i see she's feisty. im glad. lol

You see, for me parenting is requiring a whole shift in my paradigm. I'm currently reading a book called Connection Parenting and the underlying idea is that no, you shouldn't treat children like adults but you should always treat them with respect. That is the only way you can in turn expect respect and this is the only way to truly stay connected to your children. And connection, the book posits, is what children need most in this world. That makes total sense to me. So how does using titles to address adults correspond to that understanding? If respect is a two way street, what special title am I going to use to address children? Now, I've had teachers who insisted on calling their students "Ms. So and So" especially when I was attending my all girls high school. I always liked this. I honestly did feel respected in a genuine way--as if the teacher thought me to be on his/her level, i.e. just a capable a human being. I've also taught in a school where the students called the teacher by her first name. I can't say I really liked that dynamic though--students really were haywire at times but I don't know if it was the teacher herself (who didn't command respect) or the fact that
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