Friends

imma write how i feel. and im sorry if i hurt anyone's feelings. maybe its best if certain peope no longer read my blog since we are no longer friends. but i am hurt and imma write how i feel. Tonight a friend and i pretty much ended our friendship. i mean, i tried REAL hard to talk to her, to explain myself, to not loose her as a friend. but pretty much she didnt care. she wouldnt talk to me and the shit was just maddd uncomfortable. she said that for a while she was feeling like she didnt want to be my friend anymore. she didnt feel as though we were "compatible". but her attitude n shit was as if she was punishing me.it REALLY LITERALLY felt like "im done with you . i have NOTHINg to say to you." and it just hurt so bad. i have a really hard time aquiring friends, and when i do, ill always be a friend. no matter what for the most part. if we irritate each other, ok, get over that shit and keep it movin. thats how i am. but almost my whole life, "friends" have decided when they were done with me! and its so unfair. and the thing is, i would have given anything for this friend. we talked EVERY night. but she said it was just ME. just how i am and she doesnt want to hur t my feelings as to y we cant be friends anymore. i have heard that my whole life too. "oh its just YOU. i just dont wanna be ur friend." the shit really fucks with ur confidence, and makes u feel like "what damn what the hel lis wrong with me." and make me wanna crawl up in a ball and not Fuck with nobody. but u see, there is this little thing called loneliness and ill be damned if it dont catch up with me. sometimes i want a friend to just LISTEN to how i feel. not TAKE on my problems, get pissed off cause i dont do what they said to do, or because i choose to stay in my relationship. just LISTEN. i deal with so much in my day. NOBODY KNOWS the things i feel at times. and i cant always talk to devin half the time its ABOUT devin. but noone besides my Ashley wants to listen. but its to be exspected that even SHE can get overwhelmed at times. i dont fuckin have time or money for therapy. whatever. fuck people. and it really sucks that i have to say that. because i have alwyas thought of myself as a bit of a humaniterian. always advocating for PEOPLE, sticking up for them. giving my all for THEM. but that favor is never returned. so thisis what i will do. im not letting no more bitches close to me. ill keep my circle very small. poots, ashley, and devin. ill fload myself with school, and my daughter. and no worry with going out, or talkin to people. id rather be alone and deal with THAT hurt, then the hurt of a person saying "I'M DONE WITH YOU." AGAIN in my life. but if i see someone hurt, or in need, or beinf taken advantage of, i'll DO for them. ill fight for them, ill help them up. then im OUT. no more closeness.dealing with people and thier fuckin flighty ass , flacky ass attitudes is some shit.im not doing it no more.