although

I havnt been keeping with my goals too much I am proud that I have continued going to my meetings weekly. Even today...when I woke up this morning I was sooooo sleepy. But I forced myself up and went. One of the fears I have is to come hear and see darnell. Blah!! It would make my stomach turn. And its not even that I don't ant to see him. Its just that I am trying to put what happened behind me. I want to move on from it. I mean....I hve mentally, but now I want to physicaalyy. And what I mean by that is, I want hings to LOOK right. Not that I am trying to impress people or even carring what people think. But there are times people won't allow u to move on. I am afrid tht darnell and I start showing up to the hall at the same time people will look at that and try to come to conclusions.. they will draw the wrong conclusions! And I don't want that. I want to be as far removed from him as possible. At one time people were thinking poots was his baby. I was soo mad. Mind u...our relationship ended long before poots was even thought of. Long before devin and I were even in a relationship. I have moved on with my life. I have my own family, I am getting married, I don't want to be connected to him in any way.
Thinking of something eles....when I woke up this morning and I was getting dressed for the meeting, I noticed there was something bothering. Not physically but mentally. I was taking my bath with something weighing heavy on my mind. It was my conscious. Now I have always had a conscious. But given my lifestyle these past few years it has become quit obvious that it has become dulled. Things that I have done (sex before marriage) just didn't bother me. But now it is. I'm happy.