So Scary

With Tuesday being World Aids day there has been a lot of testimonies, stories, stats ect. This morning when i got in from work i was listening to the Rickey Smiley morning show (which by the way is HILARIOUS, my FAVORITE morning show EVER) and he played the tape of a women who had called in the morning before and shared her story:
The women was crying so hard. Mintues before she called in her husband was listening to Rickey Smiley's show and his conscience started to bother him. He confessed to her after over 20 years of marriage thats he's on the DL (down low= secretly/ closeted gay) AND has KNOWINGLY been HIV possitive for the past 2 years.
OMG!! i was DONE!! she got tested and will get her results on friday. Rickey will announce them then. i hope with all my heart and might that her body is ONE OF THOSE FEW bodies that doesnt get HIV although being exposed to it. SOME people's body reacts like that. What her husband did to her was meanest and most cruel thing ANYONE could do.
At any rate. It wells up so much fear in you. That u really have to be sooo careful with people. who do u trust?? you cant trust anyone. its so sad that even after marriage u have to think twice about letting ur guard down and feeling secure in a relationship. After marriage you should be able to make ALLLLLLL the love u want WITH OUT a condom. BUT NOW THATS even tainted. idk if even after devin and i get married i want to take the condom off. its not that i dont trust him, its a protection thing. not using a condom is like putting your life in someone eles' hands, and im NOT willing to do that. am i wrong? Its just such a BIG risk to take. As soon as u think u can let ur guard ur down and be vulnerable u end up stabbed in the heart.
Maybe by some will that lady on the Rickey Smiley morning show will read this. i just want to let u know: that you are in my prayers. God has not forsaken you. Job went through tests, MANY people in the bible and in history have gone through SUCH tests of faith and God sees you. He loves you, and wants you to remain faithful. Please take your refuge in him. He loves you. Im thinking of you.