Just writting

This weekend was quit the interesting one. I went to thanksgiving dinner with Devin's family. it was interesting. The women were nice but his uncles were stand offish. Thats just them. When i tried to tell this to Devin of course i was the wrong and crazy one. Well, not in those word exactly, but he didnt feel my feeling about them were even understandable. He didnt sympathise with me at all. I miss my family and how we are. Happy, loud and bubbly! He said he wouldmt like being around people like that. Of course not. He doesnt like anything nice. He wants people to step on his toes when we go to public places, he doesnt want people (family) ro be bubbly and happy. Just ignorant. He likes stuff ghetto. I dont understand him. Some more stuff went down this weekend. For one, when i got paid i bought some things that i NEEDED for the house. A vacuum cleaner, clothse detergent ect. When i got done all that i had like 60.00 dollars left. I was salty because i wanted to get my nails done or my hair but i wouldnt be able to . Si Devin said well, this is what i will do, you can wash youclothse at my house so that you can at least get your nails done. So i go to his house put my clothse in the washer and go to get my naisl done. Evidently he told hismom that i wanted to SAVE the money i was going to use to wash my clothse. So when we came in the house from going to get my nails done his mom sats to Devin "you cant be saving too much money if you are going to get your nails done." He came and told me what she said. and i was HEATED!! Because 1.she doesnt know what i am saving or notsaving. She doesnt know my finances. If i chose to save 40.00 for the baby and get my nails done with 20 that is my choice. 2. If you ae going to let me use your washer and dryer do it out of the kindness of your heart. Not so that you can feel what you want me do with my money is mundain. And i'm even more upset because or course with Devin there wasnt a understanding ear. He didnt say "Ki you are WRONG" But he also wasnt understanding and sympathetic. He was on his mom's side the whole time. He never stands behind me. I could see if i only had one job or was lazy. But i work two jobs so that i can be able to get my hair done or my nails doneand still save. I'm not on Welfare, i'm not a dead beat. Devin makes me feel bad because i want to get my nals done. This is MY money that i work hard for . I'm not spending HIS. or his MOM'S. If i want to get my nails done i shouldnt have to feel bad about it. So his mom gave us a talk about money. I was ANGRY. I will never ask her for money, i will never use her washer and dryer again. I dont know what would make me thnk it was ok to do that. I know she doesnt like me. I talked to my dad, he was understanding. Devin makes me angry bevause no matterwhat i do there is room for him to pick at me and for me to be wrong. My decisions are never ok. There is always something wrong with it.

This weekend i was thinking or telling him i need a break. He told me, " YOu always think about breaking up with me when you DO stuff thats wrong and i dont even think of breaking up with you, i just say stuff that's wrong." Ok, yes i have toldmy best friend about some of our problems, i was wrong for that. But i havnt in awhile. And he does do stuff. Not standing by my side, not being understanding, immaturity, i'm always wrong. Sometimes i want to do this alone until she gets here. i'm not saying it's a long time, just until Kira is born. I really need understanding support right now. If i were alone i wouldnt need to explain myself, i could save what i want. Do what i want with my money. I wouldmt be angry. I wouldnt be sad cause he doesnt understand me.

I didnt break up with him. And i know i wont, i love him too much and he is a beautiful person, just annoying as hell. lol. God bless us.