Friday, October 19, 2007

4 MORE HOURS

Til I know what i am having. Devin and Aerica are supposed to be here at 7:00 am. I am too excited. I want a girl so bad. I cant believe this is so real . I cant believe this is happeneing to me. A highlight of this week is that i was able to pay off all my bills. and crap. I even have enough gas money. Also, i have like 2 interviews this weekend. I like it whe i take care of business and i feel accomplished. I feel so responsible and proud of myself. Devin said that he wants to propose to me. He said maybe at Christmas time. I just hope he can take care of us. His family. I KNOW he has the desire, the will power and the "know how". I just wonder if he will make it happen. it sounds like i dont have faith in him, and really that is not it. i do. it's just that life is so hard and it's hard for no reason, i just wonder if we can keep our family together, tight and in love. i cant wait to teach my baby about values, morals, and principles. i mean basics Like :
1. respect
2.empathy
3.honesty
4.trusting in the right things
5.courage
6.good citizenship
7.not being predjudice/racist/judgemental
8.independence
9.open mindedness
10.kindness
11.responsibility
12.perservirence
I saw Devin's dad today in real life (i'v only seen pictures) from a distance and he didnt speak. it hurts so bad that i want to teach an instill all these good positive things into my child and it has to brought into a family and around people that has so much shit with them. People not liking and not speaking to one another, people being phoney, and just so much pointless shit! I HATE IT! i have tried talking about it, and proposing alturnative ideas but nobody wants to hear it. nobbody wants to move or change for the better. they really feel that it's ok to be this way. and i guess i cant blame them, or change them. the only person i can blame is myself for getting myself pregnant and our family having so many issues. Now there is NOTHING i can do about it. I really tried, but nobody but me seems to care. So all i can worry about is me and my baby's relationship. i;m not wrong for wanting things to be better, it just makes me angry that people can be so bull headed and stubborn. So mean and heartless. Life requires cooporation and the foundation for that cooperation is respect. Besides Devin and I there is not cooperation and there is no respect. I HATE IT.

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