Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Cant Give Up

There days when i just want to give up. i want to do anything anymore. i dont want to be a mother, wife, worshipper, worker, provider ECT...i just want to be left alone. But then i think about the consequences of not doing these things. I think of the disaster and guilt that would insue. I think about how not ONLY do I have too much to loose if i were too give it, but i have sooo much to gain when i keep going. AS A AMTTER OF FACT...not ONLY do i keep GOING...but i do MORE. i go above and beyond the call of duties. because i know what i will reap when i do. i know my marriage will prosper, my baby will grow up strong and smart...shit ..ill have aplace to live. lol. so i give myself pep talks to get through each day...each hour. i tell myself to pray and read, and work out because one day it will all click and i will hear God's voice sooo clearly i wont want to do anything eles.
Tomorrow starts Ramadan. i know i am a christian and it is a muslim practice...but who cares. Christians fast too. Its a command for christians to fast. as a matter of a fact my church fasts every Wednesday. but i will be doingit for 30 days starting August 11. i cant wait to do this. i have to refrain from food,liguid, and sex. from sun up to sun dowm. and usually thats from like 6a-9p. i can do that. i plan on eatting A BIG deal of food around 5:30. and snacking for the time prior to that while im at work and drinking lots of water.