Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Just Writting

Mentally, i feel myself crashing. Slowly but surely this shit is comming down. I feel i am one nervous breakdown from Sheppard Pratt and a padded room. But although these days are dark, i do believe there is light in my tunnel. I always believe there is light in my tunnel. I HAVE to. If i dont, then what the hell. I must admitt that the root of my dispiar has much to do with not going to church in 6 months or more. I just havnt felt like it. I havnt felt like doing ANYTHING really. I have comforted myself with books and writting. I havnt stopped that. It has become like a spirituality for me. The way books take my mind off of the problem. Escapism is addictive. lol. i feel Jehovah calling me back to him, and i am running. I wish i would just stay because i always feel sooo much better when i do what i am supposed to do spiritually. I havnt written much on this blog because EVERYTHING is bad ALLLLL the time, and i get tired of putting the same drab news on my blog. For years now, i have been depressed and sad, I dont need to embarass myself by continuing to write the bad. Iv alread y said too much, so ill end this here. I need to find a source of hapiness that keeps me looking forward to it. For ME. aside from being a mommy, i need to find a way to take care of MYSELF. Heal myself, and i dont know where. Or even how to start. Well, i wont say that. Ill start with going to church this weekend. How do people find thier destinies? How do people find out what they were MEANT to do? Like beautiful musicians, or poets, or the humble happy social worker. How do u KNOW this is what you want and this is where you are supposed to be? How do i find it?
God bless my soul. Cause i need it

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