OMG! THIS WEEKEND LEMME TELL U

interesting:
1,argument with daddy
2.sex with devin (whaaaat?!)
3.cook outs
4.poots wouldnt sleep

ok so a lot has happened and now i will explain. FIRST OFF: Friday nights and Saturday night poots would NOT SLEEP!! she woke up at 3 and didnt go back to sleep til on friday, then Saturday she woke up at 12 and didnt go back to sleep til 5! i was soooo sleep. but i ended up just getting on up. when she fell back asleep i went back to sleep. she's been doing that for like the past week or so. staying up ALLL night while at work with me. lol. devin say because i work nights and sleep during the day her sleep pattern in beginning to be that. and it's true because when i go home in the morning we cuddle and sleep ALLL day til 3 or sometimes 5. lol. poor poots. i dont like that because when she starts school i dont want to to be sleepy during the day cause she's used to being sleep. but i dont wanna quit work and work during the day because then i'll have to put her in day care and be away from her and all that bull shit! if i quit we'll hardly have any money. we cant afford it. the fuckin cost of living is so damn high, most mommy's cant AFFORD to stay home with thier poots. *sighs* so i was sleepy most of the weekend cause she wanted to be up playin. lol. kickin my side and whinnin cause she wanted me physically up and in her face. lol. oooo what am i gonna do?

on top of no sleep i got into a REALLY BIG argument with my dad. OMG! i couldnt believe it. he was totally over steppinghis boundaries. i know i am his child and all but took it upon himself to call DEVIN's dad and tell him y we dont have a car. i was soooo pissed at him! i had already taken care of what i wanted who to know in my life. then he had the audasity to say that if i dont start cleaning more he's gonna tell my landlord! WTF?! i was like the hell u will! well, no i didnt curse at him...i would never but i was mad and i was yellin. i realize some of the things he was saying was right but it's the principle of the fact that this is my life and i draw a line in his meddling in it. and telling people who dont need to know my business! i get mad everytime i think about it! but what hurt the most is the fact that we were arguing like that. WE HAVE NEVER fussed like that. all the yelling and what not. i was so damn mad. but i had no right to scream at my daddy like that. i got off the phone and cried to devin because my dad is one of my best friends and i feel i can come to him with anything and when this happened i felt as though i didnt want to tell him anything or even talk to him. well the next day he called and we talked some more he apalogised. all is good now. inside i knew it would be i just didnt kknow when. cause i was in no apologising mood. i was happy i stood up for myself the way i did.

mmmmm....Devin and i made love FRIDAY, SATURDAY, AND SUNDAY. it was good. i didnt have to force myself to do it neither. i did my hair so i looked really cute and i felt really cute too. lol. i watched the nasty girls on my nasty movies we have and studied what they do just to add some spice to it. lol. it was fun. a little too much fun as a matter of fact. lol. friday night devin and i slipped up and i had to get a morning after pill. but i have to get it this morning when the pharmacy opens because it closed early saturday and i didnt know. but i have 72 hours to take it and it's not 72 hours til monday evening. i'll be taking it first thing monday morning. i have never taken one b4. i wonder what it will feel like. certainly nothing like an abortion. it's not a life til the sperm meet the egg and i still have time to stop it. i dont want another baby for a while and we too damn simple to use a condom. asking for it huh?

this saturday and sunday there was cookouts at devins grandma's house. i actually had fun and debuted my short hair cut. got a lot of compliments and devins dad said i looked pretty. lol. but his family is warming up to me and i felt a lot more at ease this time then any other. OMG! and whomever made that potatoe salad!! it was soooo good. needless to say i didnt get a chance to relax like i wanted to. i'm sure there will be much drama this week and leave me longing for the weekend.

"so what do you want from me?"

"i mean, i cant tell you how often we should make love. i'm a man i want it all the time. it just seems u only want to do it when YOU are in the mood." "i just dont want it like i used to b4 having poots. i'm sorry. i dont know what to do." Thats the basics of how me and devin's conversation went earlier this evening. he's always talking about how much he wants to make love. i feel bad because i dont feel as though i should have to force myself to want to make love to him. but it also seems as though he's HORNY ALL THE TIME!! oh how i miss our summer passions 2-3 x's a day. my body exploding with each thrust of his manhood. i miss him. i miss us being close like that. i wonder if he would ever cheat. he says no, but i cant help but wonder. does that mean i dont trust him?

men r such physical creatures and i know he needs this part of me. but i would like to think that i have the cream of the crop. that i have the one man that will be patient with me and not rush me. not cheat because i am not in the mood for sex. i just need time. this is the worst i'v ever been.

i'm annoyed

nothing major just evryday little aggrevating things. For one i need more help with Poota. i mean I LOVE taking care of her and spending all my days with her but damn it if i need to take a shower or want her to be changed i shouldnt have to get a bunch of lip about it. it's only 15 mins while i shower or one diaper change out of the day. the only time he wants to take her is when he goes over his mom's house and one of them wants to see her. i have to struggle to take a nap at night b4 i go to work when he can damn near go to sleep whenever he wants. mmmmm....

the best part of my day

is when i come home in the morning from work and feed my baby. we get under the blanket, snuggle up real close and tight and watch Clifford's Big Red ass. lol. i talk to her and we fall asleep in each other's arms. lately things have been kindda crazy in my life. drama at work, drama with my dad, drama with devin. but things arent so bad when i'm so sleepy and worn out that i cant take anymore, the best part of my life is snuggling next to her and sleeping it all off. we keep each other warm.

EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!

i think about her and i in the event of an emergency. like what happened in new orleans in hurricane katrina. or if this country were to be invaded by some military crazies and we have to hide places and stuff or if god forbid her and i were ever seperated. well, i'm going to buy some gallons of water and a flaslight and some canned goods (got them around the house) and go to walmart and get some stretchy material for 1 buck a yard, and a radio. what i like about the material is i it's so versitile. i bought some material like this to tie around my head in the cute litttle styles. but one day my cousin came ovr and taught me how to tie my baby in it like the africans do. her boyfriend is african. it's so convenient. i put poots in it and do myhouse work and she's close to me and we both like that. well sometimes i wrap her in it if its cold. i just take it off my head and do all this stuff. lol. cool huh. so it's perfect because it keeps my hands free. for climbing ect. i know, i know, i'm crazy but u gotta think about this type of stuff. lol lmaooo. imma get some baby food just in case she's not still breastfeeding. if she's old enough i'll tell her a place to meet me that i'll be NO MATTER WHAT. i think about those mothers in times of disaster and seeing there children in harms way. idk. i would kiss my baby and die with her. i couldnt live w/o her. i know it sounds crazy but i couldnt see me / my life w/o her it. it would be pointless. meaningless. i think about those jewish mothers in the time of the hollacaust. it's heart wrenching to read the stories of what they had to go through. or even tragedies that happen now. like natural disasters, wars, genocides all the other attrocities. i pray for u those mommys.

poots

is getting big. lol. she is big for her age. just 3 mos and she looks like she is 6 mos. lol. i wonder if she'll always be big for her age. lol. thats hott. tall women r hott. especially when they keep themselves looking cute. poots is pretty. i'll make sure she always knows that even if she is taller then all the other girls in her class. i was talking to her the other day while smearing shea butter on her buns. lol. singing "u got butah bunnnnz girl!" lol. she was laughing. i told her shea butter is good for her. she's here with me now. fussin cause its 5 a.m and she cant sleep. lol. poor thing. if she werent so nosey she'd be ok. lol.

mad at myself

i didnt make it to my meetings last week and i am angry with myself. i just let staying in the bed get the best of me. but i have to stay focused and keep my mind on the prize at the end of theroad. devin and i havnt gotten married yet. i'm mad about that. i havnt even gone to our lisence. his mom asked if we wanted a reception and that kindda holted everything. i have been trying to be considerate of the factthat i am not the only person getting married here. that although i may want to rush and do it and my family will not be there devin's family may want something different for him. well here again we dont have a car. i gave it back to daddy. it's a long story as to y. i'll write it later. but we saw a SUV truck we like and decided to get it. it's nice. it's silver. lol. 500 damn dollars a month but whatever.