Stressin

Is what i'm doing and dont need to be. because it inhibits my ability to produce enough milk to feed Kira. But i keep crying because i have so much on my mind. i dont even know where to start or if i want to. i may sound scatter brained and make no sense to myself. nobody may even know what i'm talking about. but here goes a list of everything that is bothering me.
1. my car is broke down in the middle of the road
a. dont have money to get towed
b. dont want kira on the bus
2. people talkin bout me. concerning themselves with me and mine
3.rather of not kira can stay with my mom at night while i work
a. i really dont want her with Devin.
4. i miss my baby girl

ok so now to address and expond on all issues:
1. MY CAR IS BROKE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAOD.
I am so happy that i was able to drop Kira off at my mom's house b4 it cut off on me. thats one good thing that came from it. i was on my way to work when it just cut off. Well yesturday i noticed a clacking sound comming from it. Devin looked at it and said it was the oil filter that needed to be changed because it had a whole in it. well today all the places were closed. i thought i could get it in the morning. i just hope it's still under warentee and it's not the engine. i dont think it is..but it would be just my luck.
2.PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ME. CONCERNING THEMSELVES WITH ME AND MINE
Tonight my step father informed me that someone ran across a profile that i have on another social website and told him the things i have on there. they arent bad things just things that are not cool for a JW. (mind you, i am NOT a JW. I was isolated a long time ago) so i'm wondering why these people are typing my fucking name in search engines and pulling my shit up and then going and telling my parents! WTF!? I dont understand what the purpose is in telling my parents like i am a child and still live in thier home. what can my parents do? the only thing that did was upset them. noone even talks to me. so what do u care what i do in my spare time and things. step dad said it was so serious because i talking about how i like other religions and religious leaders. IDK.
I made that page a long time ago. And at that time i didnt know what i truly believed. but i now know which religion is best for me. JW. it's hard to do what i am supposed to to live right my god's standards but i am trying. it's hard to just leave devin and strt going back to the hall and being around a bunch of really phoney people . i was trying to wait it out. so devin and i could get married first. but it's not happening fast enough. i realize that i have to do it for Jehovah. i have to live for him and Akira. The only options that i have is to break up with Devin to get reinstated (not be isolated from my religion) and be unhappy without him and him not being around Akira. and Me being unhappy around a bunch of people that i feel are fake and phoney and talk about it. But knowing that i am making Jehovah happy and he will see me through it. but i dont have that much faith. i am not that strong. to just DO this. i love him and dislike them. i know i am not supposed to serve god for people. thats not what i am doing. it's just hard to sacrifice my best friend and father of my child to go back to something that hurts because i know that this is what jehovah requires of me. the only thing i am building on is that it will make Jehovah happy and that i will have my family. i miss my mom so much. but i wonder if it will be the same with me and them. i havent heard from them in so long i resent the fact that this has stopped our relationship.
3.RATHER OR NOT KIRA CAN STAY WITH MY MOM AT NIGHT WHILE I WORK:
tonight while i was dropping kira off at my mom;s house and telling her pointers about Kira.