Come know the struggles and triumphs in my life as a new mom. She's the sweetest most precious little girl ever. It gets no better then this.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2009 Goals
-Read at least two books a month
-Start School
- KEEP clean house
-Exercise
2.FINANCIAL:
-Save a little from EACH check
-Pay Medical bills
-Pay citibank
3.SPIRITUAL:
-Marry Devin
-Make all the meeting I can
-Read bible
4.HAIR:
-Protective growth Challenge:
KEEP my hair done
-Crown-N-Glory Technique (NO)
these goals i think will be a lil easier gor me to accomplish this year
2008 A year in review: DID I ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS??
The 2008 GOAL PLAN:AKIRA RAQUELL BOLLING
1.PERSONAL:
-Akira Raquell Bolling-having a baby!(YES)she is the coolest thing ever
-Read 50 books-personal study (YES)i read more but not 50 books
-Finnish School (NO)but i decided where i want to go and what i want to do and how i'm paying for it! i am soooo ready.
-Clean House-dont let it get messy (NO)well, all things in time. lmaooo
-Bigger Apartment-move (YES)whew! by the skin of my teeth we just moved like a month ago
-Loose Weight (YES) i started 2008 at 172. i am now 130 ish. HOW YA LIKE ME!!
2.FINANCIAL:
-Save $1300.00 for Kira's stuff-before she gets here (NO) i never did
-Save a little from EACH check (NO)work in progress
-Pay Medical bills (NO) work in progress
-Pay citibank (NO) work in progress
3.SPIRITUAL:
-Devin (YES)we arent married. but we are engaged. MUCH BETTER
-Make all the meeting I can (NO)i made some but not all i could
-Read bible daily (NO)i started didnt finnish
4.HAIR:
-Protective growth Challenge (NO)
-Crown-N-Glory Technique (NO)
EVERYTHING THAT I DO FROM NOW ON OUT IS FOR MY DAUGHTER AND HER LIFE. ALTHOUGH THERE MAY BE A LOT OF PERSONAL GOALS WRITTEN HERE, THEY ALL ULTIMATELY ARE FOR HER BENEFIT. THAT IS WHY SHE IS WRITTEN AS ONE OF MY PERSONAL GOALS.LOL.
Posted by MyLoveMyLife at
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Poots Said Her First REAL word today!!!
awwww and she hhas two lil teeth. everything was just sooo extra cute. her teeth and the way she sounded saying stop. just too much.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My Test results...this was pretty right
How to Get Along with Me
* If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
* I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
* Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
* Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
* Ask me questions to help me get clear
* Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
* Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
* I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
* Let me know you like what I've done or said
* Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
* being nonjudgmental and accepting
* caring for and being concerned about others
* being able to relax and have a good time
* knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
* my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
* my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
* being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
* being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
* being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
* being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
* being confused about what I really want
* caring too much about what others will think of me
* not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
* feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
* tune out a lot, especially when others argue
* are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
* are supportive, kind, and warm
* are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
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Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
- * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
- * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
- * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
- * Ask me questions to help me get clear
- * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
- * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
- * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
- * Let me know you like what I've done or said
- * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
- * being nonjudgmental and accepting
- * caring for and being concerned about others
- * being able to relax and have a good time
- * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
- * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- * being confused about what I really want
- * caring too much about what others will think of me
- * not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
- * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
- * are supportive, kind, and warm
- * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz atHelloQuizzy
Paste this code into Orkut:
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
- * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
- * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
- * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
- * Ask me questions to help me get clear
- * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
- * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
- * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
- * Let me know you like what I've done or said
- * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
- * being nonjudgmental and accepting
- * caring for and being concerned about others
- * being able to relax and have a good time
- * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
- * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- * being confused about what I really want
- * caring too much about what others will think of me
- * not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
- * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
- * are supportive, kind, and warm
- * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
Paste this code in to LiveJournal:
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
- * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
- * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
- * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
- * Ask me questions to help me get clear
- * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
- * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
- * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
- * Let me know you like what I've done or said
- * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
- * being nonjudgmental and accepting
- * caring for and being concerned about others
- * being able to relax and have a good time
- * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
- * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- * being confused about what I really want
- * caring too much about what others will think of me
- * not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
- * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
- * are supportive, kind, and warm
- * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
Paste this code into Blogger:
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
- * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
- * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
- * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
- * Ask me questions to help me get clear
- * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
- * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
- * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
- * Let me know you like what I've done or said
- * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
- * being nonjudgmental and accepting
- * caring for and being concerned about others
- * being able to relax and have a good time
- * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
- * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- * being confused about what I really want
- * caring too much about what others will think of me
- * not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
- * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
- * are supportive, kind, and warm
- * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
Paste this code into an HTML page:
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are an Audrey!
You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"
Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.
How to Get Along with Me
- * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
- * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
- * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
- * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
- * Ask me questions to help me get clear
- * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
- * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
- * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
- * Let me know you like what I've done or said
- * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life
What I Like About Being an Audrey
- * being nonjudgmental and accepting
- * caring for and being concerned about others
- * being able to relax and have a good time
- * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
- * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
- * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
- * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe
What's Hard About Being an Audrey
- * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
- * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
- * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
- * being confused about what I really want
- * caring too much about what others will think of me
- * not being listened to or taken seriously
Audreys as Children Often
- * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
- * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
- * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves
Audreys as Parents
- * are supportive, kind, and warm
- * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy
Paste this code into a BBC:
[i]
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz... [/i][url=http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests//results/are-you-a-jackie-or-a-marilyn-or-someone-else-mad-menera-female-icon-quiz/?fromCGI=1&var_ABC=2&var_XYZ=1][b]You Are an Audrey![/b][/url][i]
[/i][url=http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/are-you-a-jackie-or-a-marilyn-or-someone-else-mad-menera-female-icon-quiz]Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz[/url] at [url=http://www.helloquizzy.com][b][color=#ac000c]H[/color][color=#131313]ello[/color][color=#ac000c]Q[/color][color=#131313]uizzy[/color][/b][/url]
... to share the news "You Are an Audrey!"
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re: I Am The Shit!! I FEEL THIS WAY
but i wanna comment on:
"ugh, your nose is so fat" or "eww, you just look bad today" "you have no ass and you're so skinny, yet you have a stretch marked gut" (lmaoo, I just had to laugh at that) but yea.. I and I'm sure a lot of other people just say a million things negative about themselves so i wanted to do a challenge..
i have NEVER looked in the mirror and SAID aloud to myself these negative things . but i have looked in the mirror and felt bad about what i saw.
so i changed it!
simply put.
there were things like my hair looking a mess (so i get it done), my skin not being even ( so i use cream to even it out and i use a pretty foundation until it all is) i want to loose a few pounds (so i go to the gym) and the things that i cant chnge (sggy boobies, stretch marks, facial structure ie ur nose ect) i pray tp ACCEPT those things. cause it's the only one i got. i pray that i change my point of veiw on them. i pray that i focuse on what my body has done for me.yes, my belly has stretch marks but it stretched to conform and confortably fit and house a beautiful lil girl. the saggy boobies sag because they nourished a beautiful lil girl and made her happy and strong. god made our bodies do what they do for a reason. count it a privledge.
and if none of this helps......i dont know if it matters that i think ur a rockin hot sexy beast....i'd tap dat ass! lmaoooooooo
Sam's Blog: I Am The Shit
the "I am the shit (not because I stink, I smell good as hell)" challenge ..
basically I'm trying to create a whole new positive mind frame in 09 and beyond and I heard it takes 28 days to form a habit so for the next 28 and beyond I am going to replace every negative thought I have with a positive thought and whenever I remember I will tell myself that I am beautiful and smart and I am a good person..
credits to
http://loveofonesself.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-am-shit.html
Sunday, December 21, 2008
What I Went Through This Summer: COMMING CLEAN
after i had my daughter , i began to feel really down on myself. feeling unpretty, sad and generally ill. it wasnt a good time for me. so in my post pardum frenzzy i PERMED MY HAIR!! i was feeling like i wanted to feel pretty. and i just looked and felt really DRY and ugly to myself with my natural hair. the perm lasted for 2 weeks. because during that two weeks i thought of and hated what i had become. i hated my mindset. i thought i had grown as a natural women. i thought that after 4 years of being 100% natural that i had grown past the twisted mentality that permed hair = beauty. and that i would be attractive to my fiancee and myself if i had permed hair. now, no, i am in no way AGAINST perms. i am not the natural that bashes and hates permed women. i hate the MENTALITY of MOST permed women and most black people in america. the mentality that permed or straight hair = beauty, being attractive , and you feeling sexy. if u feel as though : " my natural hair is BEAUTIFUL and i am just as beautiful with my natural hair as i am with my permed hair but i CHOOSE to get a perm because it is my PERSONAL PREFFERENCE." but there is something wrong if u do not feel as if having permed hair is just ur PREFERENCE and THAT it is just as beautiful as permed hair. and this is what i was struggling with post giving birth. it never showed its UGLY face until after i had my daughter. i was going through a lot of confidence and self esteem issues. so it took me having to perm my hair and feeling/ thinking/ LITERALLY screaming "WHAT HAVE I DONE to myself!!!" for me to realize that permed hair was not the answer for me EVER agin in LIFE. I HATED IT! i wanted nothing more then to feel ME again and to fall in love with WHO I AM NATURALLY. i had to stay tru to myself and i realized that for me, my confidence and self esteem issues went much deeper then just having PERMED HAIR. it was that i needed to convince MYSELF that i AM beautiful. i am beautiful TO ME! and it LITERALLY doesnt matter what ANYONE says, feels, or thinks of me. and yes it took me 23 years to realize this. i was feeling unattractive to my fiance devin. and after i permed my hair he said to me "i never told you to perm your hair and i do think ur pretty.blah blah blah...some more stuff." but at the end of the day it didnt take him SAYING "i dont think you are pretty keshai." cause he NEVER did. i dont see him admiring natural women. when i ask him if he thinks a natural women is pretty it's ALWAYS " no! her hair looks like SHIT!" or some other ignorant crap. but he is attracted to permed women. he has told me that he doesnt like natural hair. and things like that fucked with my confidence. because i was natural and ALREADY feeling ugly post pardum. so i felt like "how can he be attracted to me if i have what he hates??" so i began to absorb his twisted mindset and the mindsets of most blacks in america. so in the 6 mo after kira's birth my twisted self esteem, confidence and mental condition began to eat away and dwindle at the reasons y i was natural, it ate away at the reason y i was a queen and BEAUTIFUL to myself and had felt fine for so many years as a natural. i didnt believe it anymore. so i back tracked into thinking that if i permed my hair i would become beautiful to him and to myself. he would look at me and see my hair and think i was JUST AS PRETTY/ MORE BEAUTIFUL then the women walking down the street or on the tv screen. i was so so so wrong! i realized that i had problems. that if i let a man and society control me and my mental state to the point that i would back track into something i HATED I HAD ISSUES FAR GREATER THEN JUST HAIR! and far greater then HIS ignorance:
1. being my confidence and self esteem. no matter what any man ,women, kid or WHOMEVER says or thinks it needed to stay in tact and strong. kat williams put it comically and ever so lightly when he said : (in a high pitched female voice) "u fucked with my self esteem." " BITCH! how i fuck with YOUR self esteem?? that aint got nothing to do with ME. IT'S THE ESTEEM of YOUR mutha fuckin SELF!!! How i fuck with how YOU feel ABOUT YOU?!?!" how true he is!
2. being sted fast and STRONG in MY beliefs. come WHATEVER, hell or high waters. i believe what i want and hold true to my values.
so i knew i needed to self medicate. self love. first i did research again on natural hair and its care, it beauty and reasons y it's the better choice for me. i looked up pics of pretty styles and did all the things i did when i went natural 4 years ago that helped to develop my love of natural hair in the first place. then i began to take better care of me. i mean how can i take care of poots if i dont take care of me first?? so thats what i was dealing with these past few months far as my hair is concerned. along with general issues of dealing with anger, depression, and problems in my life that would rise. but i am getting better now. and have decided to pick back up where i left off far as documenting this hair thing i looove
http://www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=118226
MOE GROW: ALL CREDITS DUE TO MOE OF NAPPTURALITY.COM
http://public.fotki.com/newmoe1/hair-growth-challenge-/
NEED
1. jojoba oil
2. horsetail grass
3. aloe vera gel
4. my weave
I WILL BE
1.getting a weave
2.using this growth oil
They were soooooo cute. they look good. only thing is that she used beeswax in them to make them stay and of coarse that was hell washing out and it didnt make them last very long. as a matter of fat that was my problem with this style it diesnt last long and she used beeswax. so needless to say i will NOT be getting them again. but i WILL be going to that shop again. i like the conversation and how i was treated in general there. i gotta say though, going in my expectations were not rel high for this place. but i was pleasently surprised. GOOD JOB!
DAILY
1. i co wash in the shower with a mix of conditioner and oil. And put a plastic shower cap over it all and let it sit while i shower.
- my oil spray bottle contains: jojoba oil, rosemary oil, tea tree oil and
coconut oil
i belive that this oil mix could be the one and only reason y i have seen SUCH a increase in the genral health, appearence and growth of my hair, especilly my edges.
2. After my shower: I moisturize with The Taliah Wajid moisturizer (see below in product review)
3. in the morning (or at least once a day) i moisturize with pure shea butter.
WEEKLY:
I FINALLY bought a heat cap for my handheld dryer. i have wanted one of these since i became NATURAL. it was like 10.00 or something. idk, when i wanted one sooo bad they were hella expensive like 30.00 plus. but when i stop paying attention to it the price goes down. anyways:
1. I deep condition with heat cap and Henna n Placenta conditioner. it does really good!
BI WEEKLY:
1. Shampoo and Condition with Jason's shampoo and conditioner
Saturday, December 20, 2008
He didnt get his pay check...but check how i handled myself
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Just Writting
this weekend i have to work but i plan on getting my hair done and devin's grandma is having a party, so he wants to go there. whatev...long as i get my hair done i dont care what we do. lmaoooo.
i feel bad because not to long ago Aerica hit poots cause she was getting into something she aint have no business. i was there, but i didnt see poots getting into whatever it was she was doing. so me, aerica, devin and poots are all in the room together. poots gets into whatever and aerica hits her. well i always told myself and devin that i never wanted anyone eles hitting poots but us (devin and i). so i went and grabbed poots and devin said to me "if you dont want aerica hitting her just tell her." and i am soooo mad at myself because i didnt. i said nothing to her. and at that time my reasoning was because i just didnt feel like no drama, no hurt feelings, no misundestanding, ect ect that goes along with everytime i bring something to thier attention that bothers me. on top of that i aint feel like hearing aerica fuss. idk if she would have FOR SURE, but i didnt want to take that chance. because it has happened so many times in the past. so i have reason to feel y i do. but i am soooo angry with myself because i should have stood up to her regaurdless of rather or not i felt she was gonna fuss, get offended whatever. i should have done it for poots. i feel like crying because i didnt defend my child when i always said that i would. i let someone eles spank her and get away with it because i didnt want to offend her. well FUCK that, what about how SHE offended me?? so i know i still have work to do with myself. not feeling intimidated especially when it comes down to my child. there is no excuse for what i did. i feel terrible. but on top of all that i told devin how i felt and y i didnt say anything to aerica and i felt like he should have said something to her for me then. i mean it was a agreement that we BOTH made not to allow anyone eles to spank poots but us. so if i felt intimidated as a women, shouldnt he have stepped up and said something to aerica for BOTH me and poots and HIM??? y was it left in my hands?? mmmmmmm...
and my world just keeps spinning. like a tornado. spin, spin, spin
Friday, December 12, 2008
So I Dont Understand
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This Weekend
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Well We're All Moved In
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Today: 11/3 Moving News
so today 11/2 :moving news
Monday, December 1, 2008
We're Moving This Week
at any rate we have a lil over a half tank of gas and in the morning i need to find boxes from somewhere. i have decided to do this a lil at a time and move the bedroom set lastly.
so devin told me that his family thinks i always have my mouth in thier business. that somethings they discuss needs to be kept in the family and not discussed with me. i thought i was apart of the family at this point. it hurt my feelings. basically they say not to tell me anything because i am nosey. i am soooo hurt. he said that keith and felicia say that i am always in thier relationship. WHAT?! i never even call them, and whenever we talk it's because of them calling me.
i am just soooo tired of always being the bad guy with these people. so tired. i have decided that since i am not part of thier family and obviously i never will be i wont try to be a part of it any more. no more dinners, no more going over there. none of that. no phone calls. i will let them be with poots and thats it. im tired of trying with futile efforts to mesh with these folks and having my feelings stepped on. fuck it, im done